Last week should have been one of the most important and exciting weeks of my life. Instead, it ended up being one of the worst, a pain like I’ve never felt before. I’m a gay man and I live in California. My partner Alexander and I had been together for 4 years and he was my everything. He had always said that he would rush to the altar if he ever had the chance to marry me, so with the Supreme Court’s decision on Prop 8 last week, I was sure that we would finally get that chance. When we first heard the ruling, we celebrated with friends and kept telling each other ‘I love you.’ The whole thing felt so surreal. San Francisco county was the only one in the state issuing marriage licenses almost right away and even into the weekend. We only live about 4 hours away from the city, so I figured we could drive down and get married. I proposed the idea to Alex and he immediately changed his whole attitude toward us being married. He starts saying how we weren’t ready, and that we were content just the way we were. He had done a complete 180 degree turn on me. I was so disappointed, all this time and he never really intended on marrying me. He probably figured that he had plenty of time to toy around with my emotions and tell me anything that he wanted while gay marriage was still illegal here, because he could always use that as his excuse. Now he didn’t have any excuses, except to give me some generic line about us not being ready. I told him that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to know his real reason for not wanting to marry me. I pushed and pushed for the truth until I think I pushed too far, because Alex went off. He started going into this rant about not wanting to be married. He said that he enjoyed the freedom he had and wanted to always have the option of just picking up and taking off without any legal obligations to anyone. He said that he would never want someone to have a claim to half of anything! He loved love, but wanted to experience it with different people. I was so baffled by it all, because none of it made sense when compared to everything Alex had said up until this point. So he was just some player, who knew just what to say to make a guy putty in his hands, and I was nothing more than another one of his “experiences.”
In a perfect world, guys and girls could be friends without any unnecessary drama or heartbreak. Unfortunately for me, this isn’t a perfect world and I have experienced more than my fair share of suffering in the love department. When I was 17 years old, I met a guy named Jason. We were both attending a soccer clinic at a local university. He and I were paired up together at the meet and greet and ended up having a great time. We found out that we only lived a few miles away from each other and that we had actually crossed paths quite a few times. We started hanging out a bunch and I developed a huge crush on him. I got butterflies every time I was near him, and I would light up whenever he called or texted me. He was flirtatious and I was almost certain that he liked me. One night the two of us were hanging out with some other friends, sitting outside by the fire pit. I was a little cold and Jason noticed, so he took off his jacket and wrapped it around me, then he sat there holding me close. It felt amazing and he smelled so good! Next thing I know, he goes in for a kiss. I let my guards completely down at that moment and kissed him back as passionately as I could. I wanted to show him everything I had ever wanted to say in that kiss. It felt like it lasted forever and I couldn’t have been happier. We sat there for about an hour just staring at the fire, cuddled together. The next day, I called him to see if he wanted to hang out but he didn’t answer, nor did he return my text messages. Days went by before I heard back from him. It was a text that read “Sorry for kissing you. You are a great friend.” So there it was. He wasn’t interested in me. It hurt so bad, that I just kept re-reading the message, hoping that I had somehow misunderstood it. Jason and I got a little awkward around each other and got distant for a while. I missed him so much.
Time passed and we both got over the kiss and the fact that he friendzoned me. We started hanging out again and things went back to the way they were before. In college we stayed good friends, and I watched him and his revolving door of girls, the whole time still having that same school girl crush on him. He started dating this one girl named Kelsey. Right away, they were like attached at the hip and everywhere he was, she was too. We were having coffee on our way to an early class one morning and Jason comes out of nowhere and tells me that Kelsey has asked that we back off of one another because she didn’t feel comfortable with her boyfriend being so close and spending so much alone time with another girl. I was dumbfounded as to why he would even tell me something so stupid, but sure that he thought it was just as ridiculous as I did. He starts feeding me all these lines about growing up and growing apart, and how we both needed time and space from one another in order to find love. I couldn’t believe he was just giving this girl what she wanted. They had only been dating for 2 months. It was like the kiss incident all over again. I knew he didn’t love me like that, but it seemed as though he didn’t even value our friendship in the least bit. That was a year ago. We have talked a few times and run into each other here and there, but nothing more. Now all of a sudden he has started calling and texting me again, complaining about his relationship and wanting to dump Kelsey. I don’t know what this means or where it’s going to lead. I just don’t want to get hurt again.
I dated my ex-boyfriend Marcello for a year. We met over the summer at the beach. He was with friends, I was with friends, and we all ended up hanging out that entire day together. The whole group had a great time, walking the pier and riding rides. But the whole time I had my eyes on Marcello and he seemed like he was really into me. We hung out a bunch after that day, until one day he said that we needed to stop playing around and “get serious about this thing between us.” I met his parents and we all clicked; he and his mother were so cute together. I could tell that he was a bit of a momma a boy and I thought that it was sweet. Marcello told me that his dad wasn’t the emotional type, and never really expressed how he felt about Marcello, so mom tried to overcompensate for it by showering him in her love. As the year passed, Marcello and I grew really close. We didn’t want to rush things, but there was the occasional conversation about moving in together or taking the next big step. We were happy where we were.
A bunch of us decided to rent a house about 3 hours away, right on the beach. There were going to be 8 of us and we were going to have the most amazing summer ever! Of course Marcello and I were going to be in a room together, and the other rooms were split up between other couples and friends. I think I have never been more excited than I was in the days leading up to us heading out. My love, good friends, the beach and a carefree summer!
When we got there, the first thing Marcello did was lay down and say that he needed a nap. He asked if I could unpack his stuff while he slept. Umm…okay, sure. No problem…. I spent the next 2 hours unpacking and organizing all of his belongings. When he woke up, he said that the room was hot and asked for a bottle of water. Then he just started complaining left and right about little things, like his shirts not be color-coded properly. I was beyond annoyed, but I just let it go and went outside with some of the girls. Dinner time came around and we all gathered to eat. First thing Marcello does is hands me a plate and tells me to make it for him. I honestly thought he was joking, but no he really expected me to prepare his plate for him. This kind of behavior continued and only seemed to get worse as the days passed. We would have a great time when we were out. He was affectionate and fun, and was spoiling me with little gifts here and there. But when we got back home, it’s like he turned into a 6 year old little boy, whining for me to do everything for him and pouting if he didn’t get what his way. We weren’t even half way through the summer and I had already had enough of Marcello.
My being constantly annoyed by Marcello and all of his demands started to ruin my summer. I skipped activities and hung out in town alone, just so that I didn’t have to deal with him. Sometimes I disliked him so much that I actually felt guilty for it. But he would turn right around and ask me to clean up a mess he made or get a stain from his shirt, without so much as a thank you. One night, we were talking and I let it all my feelings out. I expected him to be understanding and for us to reach some sort of compromise. Instead, he said that it was my job as his girlfriend to take care of him just like his mother and if I wasn’t woman enough to do it, I should step aside. We got into a huge blowout and he says that he thinks it’s time to go our separate ways once we get back home but until then we are “together, but not together.” Whatever that means. The whole summer ended up being one of the worst in my life!
Ever looking Ray’s way was the biggest mistake of my life. I was at a family party and he had come with one of my cousin’s friends. We were all hanging out and drinking and that night was so much fun. We all ended up walking to the hilltop so that we could look at the city lights at night. Ray and I talked a little and he asked for my number. He called me first thing the next morning wanting to hang out that day. I thought he was cute and funny. We started spending a lot of time together and became boyfriend and girlfriend a couple weeks after. Ray was 6 months younger than me (I was 16) and a year behind in school, but that didn’t bother me because age doesn’t matter. We fell in love hard. We were together everyday after school and would spend the entire weekends together. We was in real true love he was my heart. Nothing else mattered like I wasn’t impressed by other guys at all because I was with him.
The summer before my junior year I started feeling weird. It was like I was off or something and couldn’t keep the hormones under control. I got a stomach virus really bad and was in so much pain and sick. I couldn’t eat anything at all for a few days. I felt like I was going to pass out all the time so my mom took me to the hospital. I wanted to get medicine to help me feel better but they made me do tests first. The doctor and the nurse came in and told me that my pregnancy test came back positive. I was shocked. My mom was upset and said that I was being irresponsible and stupid. I couldn’t cry or anything I was just numb. I was just about to be a junior and now I was pregnant. The doctor asked me a bunch of questions that I really couldn’t answer about my last period and stuff. They sent me to my Gyno and she said that I was 13 weeks pregnant! No!
My mom talked to me and asked if I planned on keeping the baby. I said that I thought I was but needed to talk to Ray first. I called him when I got home and told him that I was pregnant. He refused to believe me and thought I was joking. I said that I was serious and asked him to come over. I showed him the ultrasound and all of the stuff the doctor gave me. Ray was real quiet and just kept saying ok ok. He told me that he had to leave to help his uncle with something. I told him to call me when he got home. I never heard from him. After 5 days of unanswered calls and texts, I went over to his house. His mom told me that he had left to stay with his aunt and grandmother in Nevada. He had just up and ran off. I told her about the baby and that it was Ray’s. She said that she couldn’t control him but would try to help. When we finally heard from Ray he was saying that I had slept around and that he didn’t think it was his. He said that he had left because I was trying to trap him and he was too young for that. So that was it. He was gone for good because he didn’t want to have to grow up. Now I’m playing mom and dad to our son who Ray still denies.
This just happened about a month ago, right before the end of my freshman year of college. I know that I’m young and life will go on but I’m just so hurt by the whole situation. I’ll try to keep this short…..
I knew Kyle from around town but never actually hung out with him much in high school. We went to different high schools but had crossed paths throughout the years. We were always cordial with each other and would sometimes flirt, but never anything beyond that. We both ended up going to state university about 40 minutes outside of town. A lot of students from our high schools either go there or to the private university in town, so we stay close. Kyle and I ended up having a history class together. At first, we just said hi and made small talk, but eventually we were going out for lunch after class and studying together. We hooked up one night and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so excited to be in a relationship and happy it was with someone I thought I knew.
In January, my best friend Ashley transferred from the private university to state. I was even happier now because that girl was like my sister and it was so glad to be close to her again. Ashley, Kyle and I ended up taking a few classes together and we had a blast. College was great!
With final exams approaching, Kyle and I were studying in his room together a lot. One night, he decided to take a break and get a quick nap. I stayed up to put the finishing touches on a paper and organize my physics notes. I opened Kyle’s laptop so that I could run a videocast of an old lecture to double check something that I didn’t quite get. I was halfway through when one of his tabs started blinking. I wouldn’t have even bothered to open it had it not kept distracting me. I clicked the tab and saw a chat log open, with a new message that read “get up and get over here now if you can. I miss you!” No….no….something had to be wrong here. I knew that screen name, I actually had a chat open with that very person right now. My best friend Ashley was telling my boyfriend to come over? She had just popped into chat and asked me what I was up to. I told her that I was working on my paper but never mentioned that I was at Kyle’s place. So she had taken that as the perfect opportunity to hook up with him. But according to the chat log, it wasn’t the first time, and he was just as guilty as she was. They had devised the whole chat idea so that there was never any evidence in their phones. I had only used Kyle’s laptop once before, so I’m sure he never thought that he would get caught.
It turns out that they had been secretly dating since November of last year. He was the reason that she had transferred. They said that they accidentally fell in love and couldn’t help how they felt. Each and every day, they had smiled in my face all while scheming behind my back. I’m broken and can’t trust anyone. I feel so alone and dread having to return to school in the fall.
I was with my boyfriend Tom for nearly 4 years. When we first started dating, I weighed around 300 pounds. I was unhealthy and for the most part really unhappy with myself. My self-confidence had hit rock bottom and I was embarrassed of being in my own skin. I blamed myself for letting myself go and committed myself to doing better.
Tom was a great guy. We moved in together 6 months into the relationship, and we adopted a beautiful cat that we named Baby. Tom made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He adored me for who I was and couldn’t get enough of me in the bedroom. For the first time in a very long time, I was feeling good again. I decided that I was in a good position to start my weight loss journey. I wanted to do it all on my own, without the pressure of having to talk to people about my progress or setbacks, so I kept my goals secret, even from Tom. Since he usually worked later hours, he and I never ate our meals together, so he was completely unaware that I was sticking to a very strict diet. I struggled so much to stay on track but it was hard, especially since I had to prepare regular meals for Tom and not have a bite! I walked every day during my lunch break and went to the gym in the afternoon. I felt good inside and out, and I had Tom. Life was good.
One day while we were in bed, Tom asked me if I had lost weight. I told him that I lost a few pounds and he seemed more disappointed by it than excited for me. He said that he loved me as is and that I didn’t need to change. I told him that I was still the same girl, just a bit smaller. The conversation ended there. About 9 months into my journey, I had shed 85 pounds. One weekend, I put on a new sun dress that I had kept in the back of my closet for motivation. I couldn’t believe it fit! Tom took one look at me and said “what are you doing to yourself? It’s like you’re trying to become less attractive. Wouldn’t you want to keep your partner into you?” I fell into tears and I asked him what he meant by all of that. I said that I was proud of myself and he should want me to be healthier. He left that evening and didn’t come back for days. I was so worried, and so hurt at the same time. I finally had the idea of checking his computer to see if I could find any information on his whereabouts. What I saw was stomach-churning. He had tab after tab up with fetish porn; fat girls, short fat girls, and extremely fat girls. Ummm, I was a little disgusted by it all but didn’t read too far into it. That was until I came across a chat room for chubby chasers and a dating profile of his. He had message after message between himself and other women, detailing all of the sexual things he was into and asking them what they liked. Then there were several messages with women thanking him for a wonderful time and saying how much they loved being worshiped by him. That is why he had been so turned off by my losing weight, because he had a thing for big women and I was his live-in fetish. I thought back to all of the intimate moments between us. What I saw as love was nothing more than some sick sexual thing for him. I threw everything he had left in the house into trash bags and left them on the front porch. He texted me in the middle of the night to let me know that he had picked his stuff up and said that I would regret losing him because he was the only one to ever love me through all that fat. I stenciled the message onto the wall in my workout room. I used it as motivation, and a year later I finally painted over it, weighing in at 140lbs.