I got dumped by my boyfriend days before our first anniversary. Basically I thought that since we had just worked things through a really rough patch in our relationship (we had a fight, no one cheated or anything serious like that), that he’d plan something special for our one year anniversary.
He did plan something and that was a trip with some of his coworkers and invited me, he just wanted to be able to stay there the whole weekend and not having to make the drive back home just to see me. I said I didn’t want to go and he said ok, then I told him I felt kind bad because I expected he’d plan something special or even involve me planning a special date.
I feel silly because I even bought a dress for the occasion, he didn’t even tell me a what time he was coming back on Sunday, so I was just going to sit there and wait for him.
He called me making a ton of excuses about why he didn’t even plan anything or why he preferred spending the weekend with some guys from his company that came to audit (they’re from Indonesia and he has seen them like 3 times in his life). He just told me over the phone that because all our problems he thought there wasn’t anything worth celebrating, I said ok and then he kinda regretted what he said, he said please let me see you on Sunday, no intention on cancelling his trip. He had the chance to plan a mini vacation with me, he just let it slip.
Finally he said well, you don’t want to see me on Sunday, it’s over then.
And that’s how I got dumped, because of all weekends, I just wanted to have one for ourselves, he travels a lot and I give him always the freedom to go out with his friends and I’m not even calling him or texting him during that time, I respect his privacy. I guess I just asked him asked for too much.
When I was 16 I met a guy in facebook. He was really cute and we had a lot in common. We chatted for a while, then started talking on the phone. Soon we were talking everyday, all day. He would call me first thing in the morning, while I was at school, and we would talk from the afternoon until we both fell asleep at night. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I was so happy. We started video chatting and that is all I would ever want to do. I would ditch school just to stay home and video chat with him. He was 18 and had already graduated. He was home all day and he would just sit with the chat open and do couple things like watching movies with me and stuff.
My grades started slipping and my parents tried to do some kind of intervention. They told me that the computer was distracting me too much. They had no idea that I had a serious boyfriend and was in love. They only thought that I was online with my friends. If they would have known about Joel they would have grounded me forever and never let me go back online. I did everything I could to keep talking to Joel. I basically stopped going to school so that I could get online with him while my parents were at work. This only lasted for about a month because when my report card came I had 4 F’s and 2 D’s. My parents have never been so upset with me. My mom said that I was going to lose any luxuries, including my computer and phone. I tried to convince her that I would do better. I cried and cried and all I could think about was my babe Joel waiting for me. He would probably think that I was dumping him or something. I cried so hard that I threw up. I tried fighting them but they wouldn’t hear it. My dad got on to my computer to try and lock it and saw some of the notes and kinda sexy pictures I had saved for Joel. He started screaming at me and demanding that I show him everything. I tried to hide certain things but my parents were furious anyway. And the more they saw, the angrier they got. They took everything from me, including my bedroom door. They said that I could get the basic necessities but nothing more. I was pissed! I needed to talk to Joel. He was the love of my life, my whole world. At school the next day I told my best friend about the situation and she let me borrow her old phone so that I could call Joel. He said that I should come down to where he was in Texas and stay with him. I loved the idea but I had no money or anything. The next day I left like I was going to school but came back after my parents had left for work. I went back into the house and up to my parent’s room. My mom had a bunch of jewelry from her grandma and aunts that she never wore. It was just sitting in a box in the closet. I took most of the rings and a necklace. I sold them at the cash for gold place and got $350. I had more than enough to get to my future husband. I bought a bus ticket, packed my bags, wrote my parents a note telling them that they couldn’t stop love and had no right to try. I took a long 12 hour bus ride down to Joel. It was like magic being in his arms for the first time, I was so excited for our new life together. Everything was great for the first few weeks. My parents threatened to call the cops and to cut me off if I didn’t come back. I had Joel and that is all that mattered now anyways. Me and Joel got rocky
Joel never wanted to do anything with me, he would only go out with his friends. We just argued all day. Then the worst part was when I found out that he had a 2 year old son with some girl who lived an hour away, and they were still messing around with each other. I was destroyed. He was supposed to be in love with me only. I also found out that he was talking to 3 other girls online before I came down and was still talking to 1 of them! He basically shrugged it off and said get over it or go back home. He told me that he was young and in love with me, but that he wasn’t ready to be tied down like that. I want to just leave and go home now but im still so in love with him, and there is no way that my parents would ever allow me to continue a relationship with him. Maybe it’s true that you have to give true love the time it needs. We’ll see I guess…..
I’ll probably get torn apart in the comments for this one but I still want to share my story. I am actually still in the relationship but really struggling with our current status and need some advice. Please just bare with me….
A year ago, I started dating a guy named Nick. I was happy living the “bachelorette” life; out on my own for the first time and having fun being young and free. We dated casually, going out and hooking up on occasion. Nick and I got a little closer and started sleeping together more. We had both entered the relationship under the full understanding that we were not exclusive and that neither of us was looking for a serious relationship. Before I knew it, I started falling hard for Nick and feelings started to surface. I figured that honesty might work, but all Nick said to me was that the time wasn’t right for him and that he didn’t want to be serious. I figured the game was on – every girl wants what she can’t have. I did everything in my power to convince Nick that we were perfect for each other, but nothing worked. Now, I can’t stop obsessing over getting him to commit to me exclusively. I’m thinking about having a baby with Nick. We’ve talked about it jokingly but I just know he would be an awesome dad, and we would have a beautiful family. Otherwise, any suggestions on getting the guy?
I was in a relationship for the better part of 7 months before I ended up having to move over 300 miles away for work. I wasn’t sure about the fate of my relationship with my girlfriend, Kristen, but decided to wait things out and get a feel for the long distance relationship, before making up my mind on whether or not it would work. When I left, Kristen was in her third year of college and couldn’t just pick up and relocate, plus I didn’t think that we were at that stage yet anyway. We knew that it might be rough, but were both optimistic. That optimism quickly faded as I realized just how dependent Kristen had become on me during our time together. She would call me as soon as she woke up, between classes, throughout the evening and then want me to hang on the phone with her until she fell asleep. I guess I hadn’t noticed because we had spent so much time together, and often slept at each others’ places. I had never spent so much time with her on the phone. Still, I tried to keep an open mind about things and attribute her nonstop calling/texting to her needing some time to adjust to me being gone. I figured things would smooth themselves out and she would be busy and happy with school and friends soon. Unfortunately, that never happened. She just wanted more and more of my time, and when I didn’t answer her calls on my cell phone she would call my work line. She got so angry anytime I made plans. Going out with a few friends for a drink meant that I would have to endure a chain of nasty text messages, followed by her calling me over and over again. One time, she got so irate over me attending a friend’s birthday party that she actually had someone (who I later found out was her cousin) leave me messages saying that she had fallen seriously ill and had to be rushed to the hospital. I called back terrified that something awful was happening, only to be greeted by her screaming and crying about me stressing her out and how she had to do desperate things just to get my attention.
I decided that night that the distance was too much and that we weren’t working. I told her the next afternoon over the phone, and then endured a full two days worth of nasty messages, voicemails with her crying, and her threatening to go out and have sex with someone to get back at me for breaking up with her. It got so bad that I didn’t even feel bad for breaking things off anymore. I never wanted to hurt the girl, if anything I really wanted to put in the effort to make it work, but there was no way that I could live day to day having to fight just because she was lonely. She refused to hear me and continued to call and message me, each time getting crazier. It was torture to even have to look at my phone because I knew there was going to be a bunch of stuff from her. I reached my breaking point and asked a friend’s girlfriend to pose as my new girl and ask her to stop trying to contact me. Immature, I know, but I had tried everything I could to break things off nicely. That idea backfired and ended up making things even worse. She actually drove down to where I was and showed up at my place. I wouldn’t let her in because I knew it would mean trouble, so she made the biggest scene you could imagine. Still, I refused to play her game. I am not sure if something finally clicked or if she just gave up, but eventually she did leave. That was a month ago and I am still nervous about walking out of my front door.
I have always been really family-oriented, so I thought it was great when I started dating Bradley. He was big on family as well, and seemed like he was the perfect guy for me. He had grown up in a smaller family. It was him, his younger sister Abby, and their parents. Growing up, they did the annual family vacations, had family nights each week, and were all very close. As the kids had gotten older, their relationships with their parents had turned more into friendships, and that was the coolest thing I had ever heard. I fell right into place with the family and was so genuinely happy.
Unfortunately, somewhere between her kids’ early and mid-twenties, Bradley’s mom had lost touch with a sense of healthy relationships, and felt like she needed to always be included in everything, and I mean everything. My first taste of her crazy came about 4 months into my relationship with Brad. I had a small gathering at my place to celebrate my best friend’s birthday. She was turning 24, so we kept things pretty quiet; just friends, drinks, food and games. When Brad’s mom found out that I had hosted a party without inviting her, she cried to Bradley for over an hour and then wrote my friend a facebook message, introducing herself and inviting the girl out for drinks to celebrate her birthday. My friend was freaked out but kept things as polite as possible for my sake. Incidents like this continued to happen for the next year, with her reactions getting crazier each time. I also noticed that she became distant and would always seem sad whenever I was included in their plans. During one dinner, she actually walked out and texted Bradley that she felt ignored and unloved. She asked for him to meet her a few blocks away because she needed to talk, and then threw a fit when he said no. Brad’s dad had to leave early to take her home. Eventually, she stopped being indirect about the situation and started making it very clear that I was the problem. She would be sure to talk about how close they all were before me, and say how they weren’t now but that she was ok with it because she would always be his first love. I just bit my lip and smiled each time. I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was bothering me.
The last straw came soon after New Year’s. Brad’s friend decided to plan a couple’s weekend, which actually was a part of Brad’s elaborate plan to ask me to marry him. It was supposed to be 2 days full of friends and the things I loved most, topped off with Brad proposing. It ended up going nothing like that. Brad told his mom about the plan, and instead of being excited for us, she goes nuts and posts a rant, with pictures and details of his plans on her facebook. So I ended up finding out about the entire thing days beforehand, and I got to read all about how I had forced Brad to plan this elaborate proposal and work his ass off to buy me nice things. She said every terrible thing about me that you could imagine. Then she finished it by saying that he was too good for me and that he deserved the love and care he got from her, not to settle with what he was getting from me. Bradley ended up in a huge fight with his mom, which caused tension between us and led to us slowing down. We are still together, but he feels like we need to sort out these issues before we take the next step. I just hope that things change soon before I go as crazy as her.
After we graduated college, I figured my boyfriend of a year, Ian, and I would be taking the next step. I didn’t think we would get married or anything but I figured we would at least start thinking about a place together or something. I first brought up the question of where we were going when our last semester started. Ian told me that it was way too early to start thinking about stuff like that and that he just wanted to enjoy his last semester of college, without having to think about the “real world.” I was fine with giving it some time but I didn’t want to sit around indefinitely.
A week before finals, we were having lunch and I brought up a few apartment listings that I had come across. I told him that we should go check them out together, but as he usually does, he tells me that he was too busy with stuff to go. I was frustrated to say the least and it ended up ruining our lunch. He was distant for the next few days. Graduation day came and went and still nothing on his end. I started looking for jobs and a place in the Seattle area, still in the dark about our next move. One weekend in July, Ian and I were out together and he drops the bomb that he is planning on moving to Los Angeles with two of his friends at the end of the summer. What? So I was supposed to uproot my entire life now? Nope! He never intended for me to go. He told me that they had talked about moving down that way for a while, and now that they all had degrees and some money saved, they thought now would be the best time. I was shocked, angry and hurt all at once! He had kept me stringing along about where we were going, all while considering a major move to L.A.! And the worst part was that he didn’t even want me there! He said that he wanted to take some time to really be on his own and get settled. Yea, him with his two loser friends is really getting out there on his own!
As his moving day got closer, I got angrier. He couldn’t stop me from going if I wanted to, so I told him that I might make the move a few months later. He acted like it was the worst idea in history, and that is when I told him that either we make a move together or loses me if he leaves on his own. He didn’t even flinch. He just said that we weren’t going to make it and that we were through. It was like our relationship meant nothing compared to his empty dreams of la la land!