A Real Dad

My name is Jenna and I am 16 years old. I had my baby in January, and we named him Ashton. My boyfriend Eli was in love with him from day 1, but was moody with me all the time and our problems ended up leaving me alone and pissed off!

Eli and I were together for 5 months before I got pregnant. We had met at my friend’s house one day when I was there hanging out. My friend’s boyfriend came through with a bunch of his friends and Eli wouldn’t stop flirting with me. We had been drinking that day so I was acting really goofy and kept falling. One time I fell and Eli caught me and held me, then he kissed me. He asked me to come outside and smoke with him and he kissed me again when we got out there. We started hanging out a lot and he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I was on the pill but sometimes I would forget to take them but I figured that as long as I had taken it the day before or something that it was still in my system so I couldn’t get pregnant. I thought that my pills were messing up my period but when I went to get my refill on my birth control pills they gave me a pregnancy test. I was shocked when my results came back positive. My mom was so mad but she calmed down and said that she would support my decision. I went over to Eli’s and we sat on the porch swing. I told him that I was pregnant and he thought I was joking. When I told him that I was serious he just said “so you’re going to get an abortion?” I told him no, that I wanted to keep the baby. He said that he needed to get things together so I went home. We barely talked over the next week. He wasn’t answering my calls or texts and if I did catch him he would just say that he was busy and had to go. He called me on Saturday and said that he wanted to see me. I was relieved that we were good again. When he came over he told me that he wasn’t ready for a baby and that he felt like I had gotten pregnant to keep him. I refused to have an abortion, we were having our baby and he was going to have to grow up and take care of it.

Things got rocky after that. We were always arguing about something and he just kept saying that he was trapped. When our son was born he got really sweet and he said that he loved that baby no matter what. When we got out of the hospital, Eli came to help us get settled, then he went home. He didn’t come back for 3 days. I was mad that he left me by myself to take care of the baby and I told him that he needed to stay to take care of his responsibility. He just stood there and said that he didn’t want any of this, that I was trying to grow up too fast and play house. He told me that he wanted to be a good father to Ashton but that he didn’t want to be with me. He abandoned his family right then. Now he keeps trying to come and get Ashton to take him to his house and do stuff with him, but I told him it’s the both of us or nothing. What really has me mad is that I found out he has another girlfriend, so now there is no way that he is getting our son. I’m going to file for full custody and change Ashton’s last name. He has never taken care of him and money isn’t all he needs, he needs a real dad!

Now He Wants a Family

3 year ago, my husband Shane and I welcomed a beautiful baby boy named Tyler. We were young, both just 19, but everything was so perfect in the beginning and I was so happy to be starting our family. Then, out of nowhere, when Tyler was ariund 9 months old, Shane told me that he wanted a divorce. I honestly didn’t belive him. he had been known to be a prankster and I figured it was so sort of joke. Just the night before we had cuddled up together and watched movies. We were so in love. He left a few weeks later and after a long fight, our divorce was finalized. I was just so blind-sided and hurt, and so so angry. Here I am left to be a full-time, single mother to our son while he takes off, free to do what he wants. Shane and I worked out a custody agreement, where he would pay child support and spend a few week nights every week and every other weekend with Tyler. It worked as best as it could, but we ended up having so many fights because I wanted an explanation he refused to give. He owed it to us to try to work on things. He had just abandoned his family using the piss-poor excuse that he fell out of love and wasn’t ready for marriage. He said that the whole reason he went through with it was because I was pregnant and he wanted to give our son a family, but he could never give a good reason for why he just up and quit on us.

2 months ago I started hearing rumors that Shane had a girlfriend. Apparently, he had been dating this girl whom he never mentioned for months, and she had recently moved in with him. My first question was whether or not Tyler had ever been around her. He said he had spent time with her before and I flipped! There is some girl I don’t even know with my son?! I don’t think so! I told him that she was not allowed around my son, so she would have to leave whenever Tyler was over. He goes off about how I can’t run his life and how his new b!tch can be around if he wants her to be. Then he said something that cut so deep: “I’m thinking about asking her to marry me, so she is going to be a part of Ty’s life….. Accept it and get over it!” Like hell he was going to abandon us and then go play family with the next girl! I went down to the courthouse the next day and got the paperwork to file for full custody. My son needed stability, not some guy who was going to bounce around on him and have women coming and going in his life. I also made the decision to move from California to Arizona. I have a lot of family out there and can get a transfer with my job. I want Tyler to have a good life, full of people that love him, not just want him to be part of their little “family” game. My kid isn’t a toy, so I’m not going to allow the sperm donor or his chick to play house with him!

What made you think he wouldn’t cheat on you?

My story has been replayed many times by wives of doctors and lawyers. I was a nursing student. Met James just before graduation he was in his 2nd year of premed. I had an apartment he lived in the dorms. I graduated and got a good job, we dated and in the fall he moved in, after living together for 8 months, we get married. I was the sole source of income, he got student loans to finish undergrad.

He got accepted to med school in another city, we move. 16 months later and we have a new baby son (I worked till 1 week before he was born). We of course moved to a bigger apartment and my mother comes and stays with us for extended times to baby sit, while I work as I am the only income. 16 months later we have a baby girl. 6 months later he graduates and does his residency, the income is ok, not great, I still work. We buy a modest house and finally get new cars. I think things are going good, residency did suck, long hours, bad days, kids are growing up. After residency James joins a surgical group even farther from my home. I am a good wife and follow him. I keep working, thank god. The kids and I plan a mini vacation to see my mom and dad, who now live a thousand miles away. James said he couldn’t get off, so we go alone, we get to the airport and find out, flight has been cancelled. So we drive home to surprise dad, it was a surprise alright I find a strange car in our garage and find James and “Elaine” a nurse in his office, in our hot tub, naked. I don’t make a scene but get the kids to their rooms then explode. The outcome is a divorce, after finding out this had been going on for over a year.

Since that time James moved to another city and I have reconciled myself to being a single parent and sitting in the divorced section of the sporting events,school plays etc, and explaining to them why their daddy can’t come to watch them. James and I have kept in contac t(phone and emails, I am still angry but try to be civil for our kids) and the children visit him for a month over every summer (he has a large house with a pool). He married “Elaine” and they have a 1 year old. This spring I email James to find out when the kids could visit but got no response and after several tries I call his home phone, Elaine answered and I asked for James she said he wasn’t there, I told her to have him call me. I called back 4 days later and spoke to Elaine she again told me he wasn’t there. After I explained why I called she began to cry and told me that she had caught him having an affair, she went on and on about how she didn’t think he would do that to her and how violated she felt, and that he had a 1 year old to think about. I finally lost it and said “The SOB cheated on me with you, did you think you were that special that he wouldn’t do the same thing to you? You had better check your fricken ego. I couldn’t be happier for you than I am right now” She hung up and neither James or Elaine will answer my calls, I guess the kids will be going to Grandma’s house for the summer.

Pregnancy Heartbreak

I’m just going to put this out there first – never date when you’re single and pregnant. Now, continue.

I moved to Texas in Feb. 2012 a week after I found out I was pregnant. After living with the father of my child in the previous months, his alcoholism and addictions to medications came to the light. There was absolutely no way I could let him be apart of my child’s life. I moved here with basically nothing; however, by the time May rolled around, I landed a job as a nurse’s assistant and started saving money while living with my mom and step dad. I didn’t know anyone, so I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to download this app on my phone called POF (Plentyoffish) and meet some people – make some friends. Little did I know, this website is full of fake people and @ssholes that just want to get laid. Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve met some pretty great friends off this site. However…I met this one guy named Justin who recently moved from Boston. He was living with his sister and brother-in-law, had no car, and worked as a supervisor at a CVS. Why I thought he was something special, don’t ask me. I told myself I wanted the best for my child and for myself. I would never settle again. But this guy wrapped me around his little finger.

Since I didn’t have a car either, I’d take the bus to his area and we’d walk the city or to the movies. Of course, he had no money because he “had to pay his sister for rent”. Yes – that was a load of crap. After three weeks of dating, he had told me 1)He loved me, 2) We were meant to be together, 3) He wanted to be like a father to my child, 4) That he wanted to live together, 5)Do you see where this is going? The bad part is, I believed it. Who would be so cruel to make this up? Anyways, this is where it gets bad. After three weeks, he began to get distant and wouldn’t try to talk to me as often. I confronted him and asked him why he didn’t make the effort to talk to me like he used to. He said, “I’m busy working a lot, and trying to work for you and *&*#&*(my child’s name) so that we can get a place together. Yeah, ok.

At this time I was 23 weeks pregnant. One day, I went into work, and half an hour into my shift, I started bleeding. I got admitted into my hospital for a pregnancy complication, but we found that it wasn’t serious. The experience was still very scary to me, and the worst part was, my parents were out of town in San Francisco so I didn’t have anyone to keep me company and make me feel better. I texted my boyfriend and asked him if he could somehow get to the hospital, whether it be getting a cab or having his sister bring him. He said he would try, but then didn’t text me until two hours later. I asked him if he had found a way to get to me, and he said, “No. I’m sorry.” That’s all he said. I was hysterical. Why couldn’t he have his sister bring him? I needed someone and I was in the hospital all alone with no family or friends! Then he texted me and said, “I can’t do this anymore. This is too hard Megan.”

Yes, this @sshole broke up with me in the hospital with pregnancy complication. The best part is, he messaged me on facebook a week later asking me if I could return the library book I borrowed (we went to the library together). That’s it. MOTherFKKR.

It’s not over yet. Recently I decided to get back on this website. I ended up talking to one of his friends who was also on the website as well. I told him about what his friend did to me, and he said, “Yeah he told me he was on that website to F**# as many girl as he could.”

Ha, not me! End of story.

I Couldn’t Live Without Him

So I know that you all don’t really like the advice stories, but I am struggling with a big decision. My boyfriend and I are both in junior college and set to transfer next fall. My boyfriend and I have been together since our senior year of high school and I couldn’t see my life without him. He has been talking about going to school out of state and I don’t want to lose him (he thinks we should go to separate schools so that we have a chance to get the college experience). I think things would be different if I were to get pregnant. Right now, I’m on the pill but I could stop today if I decided to and he would never really know. I want him to stay here and go to school, and he would definitely do that if a child was involved. You don’t even know how important he is to me, I don’t know if I could make it without him. I’m not being malicious or anything, we’ve always talked about getting married and starting a family one day, and we would just be starting out a little earlier than planned. Right?

He Decided to Leave

I’m about to be 19 years old and I have a son who is 1. Me and my sons father, Mikey, were together for 2 years before I got pregnant. Mikey had stopped going to school the year before that and was working in his uncle’s auto repair shop. I got my GED while I was pregnant so that I could get a job once the baby came. Mikey had always said that we would get married one day so I figured it would happen sooner than later. I mean, we were about to have a baby. I started to ask him about it but he always avoided the conversation. My parents refused to let my boyfriend move in with us because they thought it would cause more trouble than good. So, I did what I believed was the best thing and I left their house and moved into boyfriend’s parents house. We pretty much had freedom there, they just asked my boyfriend to smoke outside. I admit that I was moody during my pregnancy but it was because nothing was going my way. Mikey didn’t want to settle down. He thought that it was fine to go out with his friends or go play basketball on the weekends even though I was stuck at home pregnant. I would make him promise me that we would spend the entire weekend in the house watching movies and he would watch movies with me one night then bail on me the next. I got so mad because he wasn’t giving me the attention I deserved, and we ended up in a huge fight. In a fit of rage, I told him that I had been messing with another guy and that our baby might not be his. I was lying, but I really wanted to hurt him. He started screaming and calling me all sorts of names, then he told me to get the f*ck out of his house. I admitted to him that I was lying but he just kept shaking his head and saying he didn’t know what to believe. I went to my parents house to let him cool off but I didn’t hear from him. I finally called him the next afternoon, and all he said to me was “why are you calling me? We are over, go call your real baby’s father.” I felt destroyed. He wouldn’t hear me out at all ad refused to believe that I was just trying to make him mad. I asked him if he was going to our doctors appointment the next week and he said no, that he wanted nothing to do with me. Weeks passed and he slowly came back around. He said that he wanted to find out if it was his baby or not because he couldn’t forgive himself for not bing there for his child, but he still wanted nothing to do with me. Our son was born in December and he looked just like Mikey. We got a DNA test done and it proved he was Mikey’s baby. I asked him if he believed that I was just lying to hurt his feelings and he said he did but that if I would do something like that he didn’t want to be with me.

I figured our son would change his mind. Mikey was at my parents house as much as they allowed him to stay so that he could help take care of the baby. One night while he was there, it started to get late. I figured it was a chance to rekindle things, so I asked if he wanted to spend the night with me, and I old him he could sleep in my bed. He just said “Nah, I can’t. Umm…. I have a girlfriend.” I fell apart right there. He had gone and got another girlfriend. I cried and begged him to give us another chance, but he wouldn’t and he left because he said I was upsetting the baby.

I think it is so messed up that he just walked out and ran and got a new girlfriend, instead of being there for his son and his son’s mother. I told him that I’m thinking about moving far away when the baby is 6 months old, so I don’t have to sit on the sidelines and watch him play family with my kid and his new girlfriend.