Happy New Year! It’s Over.

I apologize if my story is lame and/or cliche, but I guess I finally feel like telling it.

I started dating Robert in August. Our first date was his “perfect date” and we were oh so in love for a few months. I was so happy, or at least I thought I was. The first time he made me cry (which should have been the last) I found myself thinking “This again? Here we go.” But I kept on because I thought it would get better, and we had been friends for so long, I thought he wouldn’t purposefully hurt me.

Things deteriorated slowly, or at least on my end, it seemed that way. I tried to be a good girlfriend, and I ended up paying for dinners and his smokes every so often simply because I make “3 times as much as he does.” Mind, he was working two jobs at the time and I was essentially working one, as I was in the process of quitting my first job. The money thing was something that should have sent me running and I don’t know why it didn’t. Talking about money is a huge no with me unless it’s relevant to the conversation.

He started acting more and more distant, and on my birthday, we had dinner and he ended up taking up for what I thought was a noble reason (visiting a friend in the hospital). I came to find out later that it was a ploy designed by our mutual friends to get him away from me for the night. I didn’t think it was so likely, seeing as how my friends were never the type to try and screw my birthdays up.

He told me he’d make it up to me, and I do admit I overreacted, calling him crying on the phone because I had been ditched by the people who were going to hang out with me. I later found out that it had been his plan entirely and my best friend hadn’t had a clue what was going on. Robert showed up at my house at 6am. I let it slide because we had a New Year’s party which was also meant to celebrate my birthday and I didn’t want to ruin it. Neither did he, apparently.

He decided it would be a good idea to bring a girl and her brother with him, which was fine until she began to conduct herself in a less than lady like manner. I fell asleep early (long week at work and I’d been working a lot of hours due to holidays) and found out the next day that she’d taken off her underwear and pranced around all the guys. I’m sure she’s a nice girl and she was just drunk, but it rubbed me the wrong way big time.

Earlier that day, Robert had handed me his phone to text someone while he was driving. Once I’d sent the text, I unintentionally snooped and saw a text from her, and asked about it. He got really defensive, and basically told me to fuck off. I called him out on it being a red flag (sorry…) and he blamed it on his ex. I gritted my teeth and just sat it out.

New Year’s day, we sit outside my apartment in my car and he breaks up with me. At first, I was distraught, and demanded a break, which was stupid. When he refused to even talk with me about the terms of our ‘break,’ I said f*ck it, never mind, we’re done. The worst part of it was that I had to take him home after all of that since his fancy Mini Cooper’s clutch went out.

All I know is that I dodged a train wreck of crazy and drama here and I’m relieved. I’m sorry this is so long and poorly written!

History Repeats Itself

this won’t be short, and it is in no way sweet…

i met him back in ’05… let’s call him “R”… he started working where i did at the end of October/beginning of November as extra help for the holidays… we hit it off quite well, but he was married and i was seeing someone so we were happy with our awesome friendship… we worked together for two years before i found a job more in my field of study and when i left we kept in touch…

now it’s 2007, and i’ve been on again off again with the guy i was seeing, and it was TERRIBLE; but that’s another story for another time… i ended up leaving that guy for good and moved in with a friend of mine… now R and i had been keeping in touch and i’d gone to see his band play gigs around town when i could… one Friday night in ’08 i decide to go see R’s band play somewhere downtown… i get to the show and hang out with another old coworker of mine who had come to see R play too… after the show was over, i was hanging around because R asked me to so we could catch up… we end up hanging out until four in the morning (the show ended around eleven)… he told me how he’d wanted to leave his wife for a long time now (first i’d heard that they were having problems) and how he wished he’d been with me… i was 24 at the time, he was 28… the age difference was no big deal, and he had always thought he’d gotten married too young… anyway, at about four am, i drop him off at his house… the rest of the band had already left hours ago and i’d offered to take him home anyway… the next morning he calls me and says that he stayed up the rest of the night after i’d dropped him off thinking, and that when his wife had woken up to go to work he’d told her that he wanted a divorce and that he was going to live with his drummer… he was already at this drummer’s house when he called me to tell me he’d left his wife, and he asked me to come over… i did, and we talked for a while and went out to lunch, and he asked me if we could date… i said yes, even though it hadn’t even been twelve hours since he’d left his wife of six years… first red flag…

things are good for a year; no major fights, we move in together, his divorce is finalized, we get engaged and start planning a wedding… all this time i’m going to shows, band practices, helping with bills, buying things for the band (light equipment, switchboards, picks, strings, etc.) and i’m loving the fact that i’m with a musician… life is good… i start to notice that he’s a little distant more often than not, but i just figure it’s from the stress of being in a band and trying to produce albums and trying to get signed and whatnot… then they all decide that, because the scene in our state isn’t what they want, they should move up north to their singer’s home state because it’s (supposedly) better up there… i agree to quit my office job with awesome benefits and great pay to move up north with R and his band… superb idea…

we last a month up there before we just can’t make it anymore… best part is, only three members of the band actually made the move up north, and the third one didn’t move until halfway through the month we were up there… making the phone call to my parents that we were out of money and couldn’t even make it one more day was the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do… they were there the next morning (drove all night) and helped get us home… i’ll never be able to thank them enough… after we got back, R and i were having arguments all the time about money and the fact that we never had any anymore and tons of other bullsh!t things… i went to work for a friend of ours as an office manager/receptionist, and hated every minute of it but suffered through because of R… we moved in with a friend of his that i wasn’t too fond of, but again i suffered through because of R… by this time we’d been together for almost two years, engaged for almost one, and no forward progress on the wedding planning has been made in that year… he’d even told me that he wanted to put the wedding off a year from the date we’d already chosen… red flag… we were also working opposing shifts at our respective jobs and hardly ever saw one another…

now, this relationship hadn’t been abusive or full of knock-down drag-out fights… i didn’t cheat on him, and he didn’t cheat on me – that i know of… now, however, i have my suspicions… anyway… two days after Christmas 2009, he tells me that he just doesn’t want to do it anymore… he doesn’t want to be engaged to me, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me at all… he gave me a laundry list of reasons that i’ve long since forgotten because they were all bullsh!t anyway… i move back in with my parents, we divide up our stuff, i try to put on a brave face but at the time i was devastated beyond belief… R and i had planned on a life together, and one night it was shattered like cheap glass… we tried to stay friends and work some things out after we split… but by April of 2010 he says he wants to see where things go with this 19-year-old girl that’s been following his band around to gigs like she’s a groupie or something… he was 30 at the time… effectively, i got left for a 19-year-old… just like he left his wife for me when i was 24… history repeats itself… for months after we split i was depressed and near suicidal… my only saving grace was my family and true friends… finally i moved out of my hometown and in with my sister an hour and a half away… i got a new job – eventually two new jobs – and rebuilt my life… three years after i was dropped like a hot rock for some 19-year-old groupie, i have found the man i was truly supposed to be with for the rest of my life… we’re living together, talking about getting married and adding to the family (he already has two awesome boys)… i couldn’t be happier…

i actually heard from R – well, more specifically, R’s girlfriend – a few months ago… she sent me two horrible emails designed to get under my skin after i had asked R to pay me for the computer i had bought with my money while we were together that he ended up with because it had all his songwriting materials and his recording software on it and it “just wasn’t my computer anymore”… i won’t see a penny for that 25″ iMac that i bought brand new, but i got a piece of her juvenile mind instead… and she just furthered my belief that she’s nothing but a vapid, shallow, vindictive, manipulative, back-stabbing, cunt and an absolute waste of space and oxygen… i never responded to her emails, and my knee-jerk reaction used to be to immediately say something back and start shit… i hope the fact that i didn’t drives both of them up a wall… i won’t stoop to their level… they can have each other, and welcome to it… how they’ve lasted this long when they don’t trust each other at all is beyond me… but, i guess, misery truly does love company

Sugar Daddy

I could describe my ex-fiance in 2 words: spoiled b!tch! I could really leave it at that but I want to share my story. I’ll try to keep it short and sweet.

I met Allison at a charity golf event. Both of our fathers were playing and we hit it off. After the event, we stayed at the club and went and had drinks by the pool. She seemed a lot more down to earth than most other girls I had met. I come from a wealthy family and the girls I tend to meet at the country club and other events are a stuck up, nasty brats, who only see value in a guy’s money and nothing else. I didn’t want that kind of relationship. My parents came from humble backgrounds and had worked damn hard to provide for me and my siblings, so the last thing I wanted to do was get into a relationship with some entitled girl who felt her only duty was to be pretty and shop.

Allison’s dad owned a chain of markets in the area. She had graduated from college and had since done some traveling. She said that she wanted to become a designer, so she would take short trips to NYC every month for work. It was great being with Allison, no pressure. Our parents thought we were great together and kept asking us when we would be taking that next step. To be honest, I had thought about it a lot and decided to ask her. I didn’t do anything over the top because I knew she didn’t want it that way. She accepted the proposal and I was the happiest man on earth!

Two weeks later Allison was taking a trip to NYC, so I was going to drive a couple hours away to visit a buddy of mine for the weekend. I dropped her off at the airport and went back home to get my things. I wanted to double check the address, so I went online to look at my email. Allison had left a message open in another window that had confirmation details for a hotel suite and what seemed like plans for a night out on the town. She was supposed to be in New York for work, and she had said that she was staying with her aunt and uncle, there was no reason for her to be in a hotel. Curious, I started reading through the chain of messages between whoever the person was and Allison and that’s when I finally found out the truth. Allison’s parents had cut her off when she dropped out of college. She had lied and said that she got this awesome job assisting a designer in New York so that her parents would pay for her condo, car, and keep money in her bank account. She was actually a sugar baby to some old, fat rich guy who wanted her to fly in every month for a weekend stay. He talked about all sorts of things some sexual and others just things that a normal couple would do. She had everyone fooled.

I printed out everything and took it to her parents. I was going to dump her and do it in a major way. Her dad goes insane and tries calling the police. They said that they couldn’t do anything unless she was prostituting. Her having a relationship with a married man who kept her with nice things and money wasn’t illegal. We would have to wait until she came home. I apologized to her parents and explained that I was going to walk away from the situation. She had been cheating since day 1.

When Allison flew back in that Sunday night, I called her and told her that I had a surprise for her. I hired a car to pick her up at the airport. The car took her to her condo and opened his trunk, which was filled with her stuff. Then he handed her an envelope that contained all of the printed emails and a note from me asking her to never contact me and to have nice life with her sugar daddy. She called me crying, saying that I didn’t understand and trying to lie and say that I was reading it wrong and that the messages were actually a friend of her’s using her email account. She tried everything to get me listen, I was done. She was no better than any of the other girls I had met, she was actually way worse. Being some married dudes private whore just so she didn’t have to work.

He Had a Hold on Me

Have you ever dated that one person you just regret? Like, you look back and are almost too embarrassed to admit that you even dated them? Well, my story is about that very person and the craptastic relationship we had. Things were so bad that I’m even blushing now just writing it all out! I blame my being young and fresh out of high school, and getting my first taste of freedom on being stupid enough to even give this guy my number, let alone date him for 10 months. Now that I’ve go that out of the way, here it is….

Like I said, I had just graduated from high school. I had literally just received my diploma a few hours before and had gone out for dinner and ice cream with a bunch of friends. There was this guy with two of his buddies coming out of a clothing store near the ice cream shoppe. He saw me and flashed the biggest smile. Then he came over and introduced himself. His name was Lane and he was 20 years old. We exchanged numbers and spent most of that night talking on the phone. As it turned out, we knew a bunch of the same people and had a few mutual friends from school and around town. Lane was in college, attending university 2,000 miles away. He said that he wanted to spend as much of his summer with me as he could, and my heart just melted! No one had ever talked to me so sweetly. I hadn’t really been allowed to date seriously in high school, but I had been set free to make all of my own choices and I fell right into his trap. He said all the right things and we ended up having sex 3 days after we met. He asked me to be his girlfriend that night and we spent every day together after that.

Within a few weeks, it was like he had reached in and grabbed hold of the worst parts of me. I was sneaking out every night and sneaking back in every morning because I knew my parents wouldn’t approve, and on the nights I didn’t leave, I would sneak him in. I got drunk for the first time with him in his basement and don’t even remember the rest of the night. I woke up the next afternoon with a splitting headache and 40 missed calls from my parents. I made up a lie about spending the night at my best friend’s house and my phone battery dying to get out of that one. I was becoming someone I didn’t like but the thing was that keeping him became more important than me losing myself.

He went back to school and it was as though life just stopped for me. I stopped going out and would just go to class, then go home and wait to talk or video chat with him. The best part of the week was Thursday night because he would sit on the phone and sleep so that it was like we were together. I had received a large sum of money when my grandpa had died the year before, so I was set for college and would have a nice start on my life after school. I wasn’t spending a dime on myself, just sending him $200 here and $500 there every other week. It sucked, but we made it through and he came home for Winter break. Between family commitments and friends, we didn’t get to see each other as much but it was still so great to have him home. Things went right back to sucking when he left in the middle of January. He seemed to be more busy with the new semester and didn’t have much time to talk. He stopped hanging on the phone with me and acted like he had no interest in small talk anymore. He would call, ask how I was doing, say a few other things, then say he had to go. It put a strain on us because that was all we really had while he was at school. I would complain and cry, and he would hang up.

We talked and he tried to explain the stress he was under with all of his classes for the semester and promised to be a better boyfriend. He said that he really wanted to come home for Spring Break, to see me and to celebrate his mom’s birthday. He told me that he had worked really hard to try and get the money to fly home but didn’t think he was going to be able to afford the trip. It didn’t take me more than a few seconds to grab my debit card and tell him to book the flight. He asked if there was any way that I would pay for first class since the trip was long, and of course I said yes because I wanted him to be happy. He flew home on a Friday and I didn’t see him until Sunday night. He said that he had to go on a weekend trip with his brother and uncles for some family thing (he had failed to ever mention that). He celebrated his mom’s birthday with her the next day and called to tell me that he didn’t think he would make it because she wanted to go out for drinks with her boy. I told him to have a good time and made him promise to take me to the boardwalk the next day. The next day came and I couldn’t reach him. I called over and over, but he never answered. He finally called me at 7PM to let me know that he had gotten wasted with his mom and had slept the day away. We went shopping together the day after that, but had to cut our date short because his brother needed his help with something. Before I knew it, he was on a flight back to school and I had only seen him a total of three times. I was pissed. He said that I was being selfish and needy and that I should understand that his family needs him. I ended up apologizing.

I got a call from Lane that next Monday morning, wishing me a nice day and just saying I love you. He sent me messages all throughout the day and even called that afternoon to see how everything was going. It was like he was a brand new man. I called him that evening when I got home and all he said was “Look… I need to tell you something. Alicia and I hung out over Spring Break and we are going to get back together now. I love her. Sorry.” He never had any family obligations. I had flown him home to spend time with his ex-girlfriend so that he could decide if he wanted to get back with her or stay with me. I had paid over $1,000 just to get cheated on! He would call me from time to time and try to act like everything was okay between us. Then he called me in May to let me know that he was home for the Summer and he wanted to know if I would come by his place that night to hook up. No thanks!

A Doctor with no Border

3 years ago I started dating a man named Richard. When he first introduced himself to me, he said that he was a doctor and he worked at a big hospital in the city. About two months into our relationship, he told me that he was in a bit of a bind. He had recently purchased a condo not far from the hospital where he worked but since his schedule didn’t allow him the time to check out places in town, he was forced to stay with friends or have an hour and a half long commute each way. I offered to let him stay with me and he gladly accepted. He came that weekend with some of his things and got moved in.

I would see Richard every few days or so and we tried to keep our new relationship working around his schedule, but since he was so tired a lot we ended up doing a lot of takeout and movie nights. He would always have beautiful gifts for me, like jewelry and other collectibles. He would tell me that a colleague of his had gone on a trip somewhere to provide free medical care and he had given them money to bring back the nicest trinkets they could find. Over time I fell in love with Richard, and I just accepted that life with a doctor would just be like this.

One afternoon, he called me unexpectedly and said that he was on his way to my place and asked me to start getting a bag packed for him. He explained that another doctor had been forced to pull out of a trip because of illness and that he had been asked to go last minute. He said that he would be gone for two weeks and that he was leaving that night. I was a little bummed that he would be gone for so long but I was happy at the work he was doing and how he would be helping people who really needed it. I packed his bag and had a nice meal waiting for him by the time he arrived. He showered, dressed and ate. Then he grabbed his bag and said that he needed to head out to the airport. He kissed me goodbye and promised to call before he departed.

No more than 20 minutes after he left, there was a knock at the door. I answered it to find two police officers and a man dressed like a detective. They asked to come in and speak to me. I was terrified that something had happened to Richard on the way to the airport and braced myself for the worst news. What they said next left me in total shock. They said that Richard had been working for a wealthy elderly couple as a home health aide and had been stealing money and other valuable items from them. They had a warrant out for his arrest on a bunch of felony charges and wanted to know everything I knew about the situation. I explained to them that he had conned me as well, and had me thinking that he was a well paid doctor. I showed them all of the gifts he gave me and surrendered them to the cops as evidence – most of it turned out to belong to the woman he worked for anyway. No one has heard from Richard since that day. He left with a total of $2.5 million and an unknown amount of jewelry and other valuables. I’m sure his real name isn’t Richard, but the only other thing I could think to call him is scum, and I don’t think that will help the cops catch up with him!

Big “D”

My sister dates this douche named David who refers to himself as Big D. He’s not very big or intimidating, or anything of the sorts. He’s just a little trust fund kid with a big ego and a bank account to match. We both met him one night at a lounge. Everyone was just hanging out and having a good time, then he like fell in love with my sister and couldn’t take his eyes off of her for the rest of the night. We all went out for breakfast the next morning and we ate at this expensive place downtown. He bought bottles of expensive champagne for the table and talked about himself and his friends most of the time. I could see right through him, but it was too late for my sister – she had fallen for him hard. He flew her to Las Vegas a few weeks later, and she came back with a shopping spree’s worth of shoes and handbags. He was buying her and she was allowing herself to be bought.

Now I know you are probably thinking how or why this bothers me and why I’m posting this story. Well, the answer is that it is killing me to watch my sister, who has always been so nice and down to earth, turn into a spoiled little “mean girl.” She walks around like she owns the place but I know that she isn’t happy. She has crazy mood swings now and is always stressing about keeping him happy. she can do the smallest things and he will totally blow up on her, then I have to sit with her as she cries on my shoulder because he has called her all sorts of names and has threatened to leave her. They argue almost every day because nothing is ever good enough for the @sshole. She made dinner, he wanted to go out. She dyed her hair, he said that it was too dark and didn’t look good on her face. And when she does manage to satisfy him, he makes this huge deal and is all over her like some creep or posts all these cheesy “I love you’s” to her on facebook and insta. She needs to see him for what he is and stop allowing herself to be controlled by this guy. I have tried everything I can to get these two apart, but nothing has worked. I just don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t want to see my sister get hurt. I know that this is probably something that will have to happen in her own time and that no one can make her see different of her boyfriend because she loves him so much. I would just hate myself for letting my sister get dragged down the path to misery by some guy waving his cash around.