Family Issues Picks
Like an 18 year old idiot, I hopped on a bus the week after I graduated and left home to go stay with my 26 year old online boyfriend. We had first met on a gaming site when I was 16 and we had talked on the phone and video chatted ever since that day. This move had been in the making for over a year and I had literally counted down the days. I couldn’t wait to be with my love in person, and to build the life we had dreamed of. My aunt and uncle had raised me ever since I was 3. My mom was a druggie who would rather sleep around and go on binges than take care of her child, so they took me in when she lost custody. They officially adopted me when I was 6 and they had always been my mom and dad. I loved them to death but I had to grow up and start to build a family of my own.
When I got there, things were a little different than I expected, and from what he had claimed them to be. The “nice place” he had was more like a decent motel at best and he barely worked part time. Even though I was a little dissapointed by the state of things when I got there, I decided to look past it and focus on us. This was our beginning, there was plenty of time for us to make more. When I finallt spoke with my parents to let them know where I was, they were so sad and dissapointed. My aunt actually cried and pleaded with me to come home. I tried to explain my side of things, but they just kept telling me how dumb I was being and demanding that I come home. I knew they wouldn’t understand and would try to stand in the way of our love, so I told them that I was an adult and could make my own decisions.
My sweet dreams slowly turned into a bad dream. My boyfriend spent ALL of his time gaming (outside of the 18 hours he worked every week). He had the poorest hygiene ever, and would only take a shower every few days at best. He smelled so bad sometimes that I would have to drop major hints for him to clean up. The apartment was always a mess, and I was the only one who ever cleaned. I found a job working at a department store and would put in 30+ hours on top of my full time schedule at school. I loved gaming, but I had real life dreams that I was working toward. We started arguing a lot because I was so tired of having to take care of the both of us. My breaking point came when I causght him taking naked pics of himself on his webcam. It turned out that he had been chatting with a couple other girls and carrying on an online relationship with one of them. I went into a rage. Here I had abandoned my family and friends, given up my life at home, to spend my time working my butt off just to keep us afloat. He acted like it was no big deal. He was very passive and smug about the whole situation, like him cheating was no big deal because it was online. I unplugged the power strip that was connected to all of his gadgets and the modem. He started screaming and knocled over a corner table. Then he told me to leave, to hitchhike if I had to, just get out and never come back. He said that he had never intended for us to be serious. That I was just one in his collection of online relationships, and that I had stuck around so long that he felt obligated to me. I was hurt but also strangely relieved. Like I had been released from the burden of this relationship. I packed my things and went to a hotel to stay. It took a few days, but I finally convinced my folks to drive down over the weekend and bring me home. All I could do was ride silently, apologizing every now and then and not arguin back against anything they said. I just wanted to be home. I realized that I had left hoping to start my own “real” family, but that I had had that all along in my aunt and uncle. That was further solidified in my mind when my uncle accepted a call from a co-worker and told him that he was taking a few days off next week to help get his daughter settled in at home.10,741 Comments
It is because of some lying scheming female named Allison that I barely get to see my brother anymore. It’s like once or twice a year if I’m lucky. It all started a year ago when my brother Benji started sophomore year and I started my freshmen year of high school. This girl named Allison transferred in to our school from out of the district so no one really knew much about her. She and my brother started hanging out a lot and then they decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Allison was always babysitting her little one-year-old brother Jose, like every day! She would bring him with her when she came to our house or Benji would have to go over there because Jose was napping so she couldn’t leave. Everything seemed okay for a while, then my brother started getting weird phone calls on his cell. It was some guy who was just yelling and cursing and threatening to kick Benji’s ass. My parents had his number changed but the calls started up again a few days later. At that point, we were almost certain that it was someone he knew or a fried playing a joke, but it was so much worse.
One night Allison shows up at our house, crying and asking to speak to Benji. She told him that they needed to talk, and it was during this talk that Allison told him that the guy calling him everyday was Antonio, her ex-boyfriend. Then she dropped the bombshell: Jose was not her little brother, he was her son! Apparently, she had gotten pregnant at like 13, so her mom moved her to another city and acted as though the baby was her’s so Allison could have a normal high school experience. Antonio had stayed behind in Bay Ridge, about 2 hours north. He had gone to juvi for robbery and assault for 2 years. Now that he was getting out, he wanted to get back into Allison and Jose’s lives. She said that she had full custody of the baby and wanted nothing to do with Antonio. We thought everything would be okay. Then one day a group of guys jumped my brother after basketball practice. One of the guys kicked my brother in the face and told him he better leave his girl Allison alone or it would get worse. Benji’s jaw was dislocated, he had a cracked rib, and was in tons of pain. He stayed in the hospital for two weeks and Allison kept coming by and crying, and trying to involve herself in family discussions. Benji’s friend came by one day to tell him that Allison and Antonio had never broken up, and she had been talking to him and visiting him in jail the whole time she was with Benji. She just thought she wouldn’t get caught and could keep her lies straight. But this world is too small and Antonio’s cousin ended up being best friend’s with one of Benji’s good friends, and that’s how everything was found out and Benji got hurt.
My mom was so worried about Benji that she decided to send him to live with our grandparents in Hawaii! I was numb when they told me. We only visited them once a year, and they would fly out every now and then, so now I’d only be seeing my brother a few times a year?! I said that I wanted to go too, but my mom said that I was doing well in school and two teenagers would be too much for our grandparents, so I had to stay behind. I have never cried so hard than I did the day Benji left. To make things a million times worse, I saw Allison and Antonio hugged up and making out in the mall the next weekend. Guess she wasn’t too broken up over Benji moving away when she had her baby daddy back! I hate her, she took my brother from me all because she thought she was slick enough to slut around and not get caught.2,350 Comments
I have always been really family-oriented, so I thought it was great when I started dating Bradley. He was big on family as well, and seemed like he was the perfect guy for me. He had grown up in a smaller family. It was him, his younger sister Abby, and their parents. Growing up, they did the annual family vacations, had family nights each week, and were all very close. As the kids had gotten older, their relationships with their parents had turned more into friendships, and that was the coolest thing I had ever heard. I fell right into place with the family and was so genuinely happy.
Unfortunately, somewhere between her kids’ early and mid-twenties, Bradley’s mom had lost touch with a sense of healthy relationships, and felt like she needed to always be included in everything, and I mean everything. My first taste of her crazy came about 4 months into my relationship with Brad. I had a small gathering at my place to celebrate my best friend’s birthday. She was turning 24, so we kept things pretty quiet; just friends, drinks, food and games. When Brad’s mom found out that I had hosted a party without inviting her, she cried to Bradley for over an hour and then wrote my friend a facebook message, introducing herself and inviting the girl out for drinks to celebrate her birthday. My friend was freaked out but kept things as polite as possible for my sake. Incidents like this continued to happen for the next year, with her reactions getting crazier each time. I also noticed that she became distant and would always seem sad whenever I was included in their plans. During one dinner, she actually walked out and texted Bradley that she felt ignored and unloved. She asked for him to meet her a few blocks away because she needed to talk, and then threw a fit when he said no. Brad’s dad had to leave early to take her home. Eventually, she stopped being indirect about the situation and started making it very clear that I was the problem. She would be sure to talk about how close they all were before me, and say how they weren’t now but that she was ok with it because she would always be his first love. I just bit my lip and smiled each time. I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was bothering me.
The last straw came soon after New Year’s. Brad’s friend decided to plan a couple’s weekend, which actually was a part of Brad’s elaborate plan to ask me to marry him. It was supposed to be 2 days full of friends and the things I loved most, topped off with Brad proposing. It ended up going nothing like that. Brad told his mom about the plan, and instead of being excited for us, she goes nuts and posts a rant, with pictures and details of his plans on her facebook. So I ended up finding out about the entire thing days beforehand, and I got to read all about how I had forced Brad to plan this elaborate proposal and work his ass off to buy me nice things. She said every terrible thing about me that you could imagine. Then she finished it by saying that he was too good for me and that he deserved the love and care he got from her, not to settle with what he was getting from me. Bradley ended up in a huge fight with his mom, which caused tension between us and led to us slowing down. We are still together, but he feels like we need to sort out these issues before we take the next step. I just hope that things change soon before I go as crazy as her.3,425 Comments
When my boyfriend and I first got together, he let me know that he was coming out of a rough break-up, and that his ex had recently found out that she was pregnant and he was the father. I was a little apprehensive because the last thing I wanted to get involved in was some “baby mama drama” between him and his ex-girlfriend. I was honest with him and told him that at this point in my life I wasn’t ready to settle down into the married life, or have kids, or anything like that. I could commit, but I didn’t want things to be really serious right away. Somehow. the exact opposite occurred. It was like we had fallen in love instantly and within 3 months we were living together.
It had taken a lot of work, but he had eventually come to an understanding with his ex about the baby and how he wanted to be there. They both agreed that they wanted to be the best parents that they could be for the child. She even sat and talked with me about the roles that I might be playing. All I kept thinking was “ummm, no thank you!” I mean, getting serious in the relationship was one thing but there was no way in hell I was ready for kids in my life. I came to the decision that I would be supportive of my boyfriend but that I did not want to play mommy to any kid.
A few months after the baby was born, the ex started dropping the baby off to spend time with his father, and from day one my boyfriend tried to involve me in it. He constantly asked me to hold the baby, feed the baby, and do a bunch of other stuff that I just hated. It was so awkward, and every time the kid cried, it was just another reminder of what I didn’t want. Once the baby started spending the night and eventually entire weekends with us, I started reaching a breaking point. I hated being there. I figured that I could talk to my boyfriend about things since we were so open with each other. I told him that I thought it would be a better idea if we limited the baby’s visits to once each month or something like that, and that I would leave while he was there. He became so enraged and started attacking me, saying that I was selfish and insensitive. He said that his son had come before me and that he always would. I couldn’t believe he would say that to someone he was supposed to love so deeply. It was like he didn’t even care about my feelings, just about his other situation. He continued to say all sorts of things about me and then said that he wanted to call it quits, because he would never be with someone who even thought about keeping his son away from him. He said that he would rather be single than to not see his son every week. I was just so mad, so I told him that he was throwing our relationship away and really needed to think about what he was doing. He shot back by saying that there was no thinking when it came to his child and that he wanted me gone. I hope him and his baby, and their happy little messed up family are happy together!1,887 Comments
Joel was a sweet guy and the love of my life. We had met at a food festival with some friends and had been close ever since. We had an amazing relationship and I could see myself being married to him. Joel was from the southern end of the state and had recently moved a few hours north. Only he and a cousin were here, so my family always made an effort to include him in everything we did. He was like family to them.
One day, Joel sits down with me and starts telling me about how his family is having a little financial trouble and are considering relocating up our way for better opportunities. By “thinking about relocating” he must have meant that they had already packed and were on their way because that weekend his dad, mother, sisters and his sister’s baby were all crammed into our 2 bedroom apartment. I felt like he had known about this for a lot longer than he led on and had agreed to let them stay with us without so much as mentioning it to me. Now what was once my space that I loved, the place that I would come home to and release all of the day’s stresses was full of his family and lots of tension. His dad wasn’t a fan of mine because he felt that I had been the reason his son had decided to stay up north (even though he had already made that decision before we met). He thought that I was trying to take his son away from his family. He made it obvious that he didn’t want me around. He would do really immature things, like asking the family to go out and calling each of them by name but purposefully skipping over me, even if I was sitting in the same room. He made dinners that he served before I got off. Whenever Joel and I wanted to spend time together he would start whining about needing to spend time with Joel or there would be some urgent matter that he needed Joel’s help with. My family made so many efforts to get to know Joel’s parents, but they just weren’t interested. My mother’s 50th birthday was coming up and my father was throwing a huge party. I told Joel to invite his family, but he said they probably wouldn’t have the time. The day of the party, Joel was very moody and kept snapping at me. About an hour before we were set to leave, Joel hops in bed in his underwear. I told him that he should start getting ready and he just exploded. He screamed that he wasn’t going, he was tired of being pushed around by me and my family, and that he should be focused on his family and not me. He dumped me right there in his underwear. I couldn’t believe it, but then when I heard his father say “See, I told you you would feel better.” I was pissed, but I refused to stoop to his level and if Joel was weak enough to let his dad force him into dumping me, then I wanted nothing to do with him either.1,573 Comments
It all started about 7 years ago, I had been married to Jason for 2 years and we had a newborn son. My middle sister moved in to go to the polytech in our city and help out with the baby.
My marriage wasn’t going too well, my husband had mental issues and I couldn’t help him with them, it was getting really bad and I had the baby to look after. I kicked Jason out after one night of him screaming and ranting and he left for two weeks to live with his mother.
One night sitting in the lounge I heard someone outside the house. It was 1 am and there were trying to get in. I was terrified and called the police. They said they were on their way. I looked out the window and it was Jason! I opened the window to ask him what he wanted and he tried to pull me out by my throat. He had never been violent before, but could be intimidating. The police arrived but refused to take him away as his name was on the lease too. Me, my son and my sister Zoe left for the Woman’s Refuge, and Jason stayed.
The next day we went back to the house as Jason was institutionalised. The whole house was completely trashed, every window was shards on the floor, all of our possessions smashed, fridge upside down. My baby was vomiting every 20 mins. I later learnt that this is what happens when baby gets anxious.
Anyway, after two weeks or so of Jason showing up and being threatening (and knowing the police wouldn’t remove him), I decided to leave and move a few hours away to the town where my Father lives as he had a property for us. My baby and Zoe and I left one day with what we could fit in the car. After about a year and a house move, it was coming up to Christmas when I got a text from Jason saying he had been sleeping with Zoe. My husband and sister had been sleeping together in my house ever since she moved in to go to polytech and help out. I confronted Zoe but she lied and said it wasn’t true. I knew it was, Zoe had always been a sneak and jealous. I took my son on a holiday back to our city while I thought of what to do.
While I was gone Zoe moved a bunch of nazi skinheads into our home and had them threaten me not to come back and get my belongings. I went to the police here, and rung the police down there but no-one would help us. We were living back in the refuge. Zoe, Jason and the skinheads were texting me night and day. Very abusive. They killed my cat and she gave away/sold/threw out everything me and my son owned. I found it impossible to get help. The Refuge did everything it could. Zoe continued harassing and stalking me for four years. She was very clever at it, always getting my number if I changed it or my new address if I moved. I had a nervous breakdown.She knew all my details, so she would do things like ring the power company and get my power switched off, or tell a gang girl that I had slept with her ‘man’ so I would end up with girls on my doorstep screaming that they would kill me, she would ring child protection and try and have my son taken off me. It happened so often that they said they would have her charged for wasting their time. Zoe didn’t care, she just started ringing anon.
It was constant and unending terror. I didn’t know what would happen next or when. I was constantly scared. I began to think that to make it stop one of us would have to die, I saw no other way, it had been years and I had called the police many times but she was very clever at not looking guilty and they didn’t know what to do.
I decided to put a stop to it once and for all. I gathered evidence of everything, I got people who had witnessed anything to write me letters stating it, I made sure that if anything new happened I had witnesses and then I made an apt with a lawyer. I eventually got a protection order and if Zoe breaks it she will go to prison. The judge was incredulous that it had gone on for so long and we had not been helped. Zoe still tries every now and then to stalk me but she is scared of prison. I have heard that she has done this to other people since then. I am relieved to be free. It’s taken a long time to get over the stress and breakdown from all of this.
I guess I wasn’t dumped, and I’m sorry that my story doesn’t really fit here. I do feel like I was dumped on.Thanks for reading, it helps to tell what happened.