This one is me doing the dumping, and overall it’s a ‘we were stupid when we were kids’ kind of story. Also – Mega-length warning! (But you will probably get a kick out of it.)
I was 15 and a friend of mine, let’s call her Sabrina, had been dropping strong hints that she like me. It came to a head one night close to Halloween while hanging out with 2 other friends, pseudonymed Sam and Shelly (Oddly, all 4 of our names did start with a phonic S sound…), and we ended up kissing. I threw on the breaks there because I was already dating someone (I know, stupid and cruel) and said I couldn’t do anything at all until I resolved it with the girl I was with. Well, we had only been dating maybe 3 months but breaking up with her got some folks annoyed with me, but I felt I had done ‘close enough’ to the right thing at any rate.
When we started dating it was going great. We had fun. Things started moving too fast though. In less than a week we were under each others clothes. I felt like it was too fast, but didn’t know any better so I figured this kind of reckless hormonal indulgence was normal. We spent every day together but it didn’t seem like we actually did much of anything apart from watching TV and ‘fooling around’.
A week into it the phone calls started. I had homework to do and wanted to spend more than ‘class time’ with Sam and Shelly, being friends and all, but she literally called me every day, the second I got home, and wanted to spend 2 hours on the phone at a time. As a guy, I hate the phone. I figured since we were dating that I somehow owed it to her, and relented, but it always just ended up being me listening to all sorts of inane crap with me muttering the occasional ‘uh-huh’ and waiting for a break in the endless barrage of chatter to say ‘Well, I gotta go.’ I felt smothered and like I had no privacy or freedom, like I was being forced to share a body with someone I had nothing in common with.
Still, I could have put up with this if it weren’t for 2 things: (1) Her family hated me (I made the mistake of beating her brother at a videogame, and, apparently, I was not ‘trashy looking’ enough for her mom) and they let me know it. (2) (I’ll try to put this as gently as possible) I was often left feeling humiliated because of her total ineptitude when it came to ‘social norms’ and ‘wit’. Don’t get me wrong, she was well intentioned, but all the good intent in the world doesn’t stop you making a spectacular fool of yourself (and your company). Once, she (accidentally, due to ignorance of slang) insinuated that she had a small penis and that I ‘wanted it’. She used the most awkwardly bad lines from movies with a straight faced expectation that it would be received as wit. I was uncomfortable… Often. People at school would give me weird, sympathetic looks when they found out we were dating. The relationship lasted 5 or 6 months.
Either way, I came to my senses and decided to end it. I manned-up and decided to do it in person, after school and in private to avoid embarrassing her or making a scene. It did not go well. She cried , and I tried to be sympathetic, but I made it clear it was over. She insisted on talking about it some more later, and I relented. I get home and am literally only there for 30 seconds before the phone rings. I sit down at the computer to surf the internet while she talks, this having become the norm while we were dating. Half an hour later I have a sore ear and am losing my patience. Five or six times she goes on about us being perfect together and how we need to ‘make it work’ (whatever THAT mean when you are in High School), and I keep saying ‘No, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to do this any more.’ Then comes more crying and she starts saying something about how much she has sacrificed for me and I break, I ask her “what have you sacrificed exactly?” IT was probably the only silent 10 seconds in that phone call, and she changed the subject and kept going on. We’re about 45 minutes into this and I set the phone down (not hang up) and start a game.
I kid you not, this is literally what happened: I play this game for 10 minutes at a time, pause to pick up the phone and say ‘yeah’ or ‘uh-huh’, and go back to my game. My mom comes in (she never liked her anyway) and (as this was the 90’s we had a house-line, no cell phones) asks what I’m doing. I say “breaking up with Sabrina”, then demonstrate by picking up the phone and going ‘yup’, then going back to my game. My mom says, with a smirk ‘Well, dinner is in an hour. You gunna make it?’, “I’ll try.”
The timer has run over the 2 hour mark (no joke) and I pick up the phone and interrupt her. I say “Sabrina, look, it just doesn’t feel right. I have to end it. If you ask me to keep going one more time I’m hanging up!” (The ‘Don’t end this special thing we have’ talk was the majority of the content… I’m guessing, there are those large blank spaces the video game mercifully provided.) I timed it. She talked 45 seconds about something else, and then said ‘We need to stay together’. I hung up.
15 seconds later the phone rings. My little brother goes to answer it. I tell him “If it’s for me, tell them I’m not here!!!”, Good little kid that he was, I hear him say ‘Yeah, He’s right here’ as he hands it to me. Thanks Bro. As soon as the phone is to my ear I hear a wailing scream “Why did you hang up on me?!?!” “You KNOW WHY!” I fire back. I admit I had a raised voice, I was out of patience. She talked at me another half hour and, somehow, we agreed to meet at Sam’s house in a half hour to talk more. Ug. Well, it’s Sam’s, and he had a PS2, so there was that. Dinner. Drive over. When I get there I see her car, and get the impression she has been there a while. (odd, but not ominous) Sam leaves us alone in the basement and the gist of it goes “I want you back!”, “Sorry, I really am, but no dice”, repeated 40 times or so. She has said her piece, and goes up-stairs. In retrospect this was obvious, at the time it was just odd, but they gave each-other a knowing look as they passed (more on that later).
Sam and I sit down to watch TV and he says “Why are you doing this?” I explain. Then he says “I just don’t know how you could let someone that special go like that.” Weird, ok. I tell him “If you want her, go for it. It’s just not for me is all.” He’s at a loss. She comes down for five more minutes of talk-at-me, and leaves. Sam and I play games.
About 6 months later, Sabrina is dating a guy Sam and 4 other friends hang out with. He’s our ‘college contact’ buddy at that point, and Sam is always weird about them dating. I don’t care. I’m relieved to be on the outside of the ‘social embarrassment’ and ‘super-clingy ‘situation! But our college-buddy looks happy, so I’m contented to just hang out. They don’t last more than 2 months.
2 years later Sam ‘comes clean’. He and Sabrina had a secret deal: Sam convinces me to date her and she convinces Shelly to date Sam. THAT’S why we met at his house and why he was on me about it! Also, she only dated College-buddy to try and make me jealous; because she was sure he would brag about his sexual favors. He did not, and she ended up getting slutty all over him just for him to not tell anyone (he told Sam about it about a year after they broke up), not that I would have cared if he had, because I had moved on completely. Also, Sam and Shelly never dated, Sabrina had never even suggested it to Shelly at all, the whole thing was a scam on Sam and I both.
I never blamed Sam for any of this, he’s a good guy, but I am SO glad I will never have to see Sabrina again!