This breakup literally just happened yesterday so I apologize if I’m a bit on the emotional side or if it’s really long. I just want to make sure I add everything so things can’t be misconstrued.
I met Matt online at a dating site. He was funny and unique which set him apart from the others. Our first date was at an arcade and I thought he was the most handsome, intelligent, and amazing thing I’d ever met. He invited me out that evening to go trivia a few days later with friends and from, there, we spent all our time together, either texting or seeing each other. The first night I stayed over, he made me breakfast in bed and ran out to get me coffee. He was nothing but a romantic, sweet gentleman and I was totally smitten. About two months in, I couldn’t keep my feelings inside any longer and confessed my love for him. He didn’t return it immediately but I was alright with that, knowing that he loved me as well but didn’t know how to articulate it. A month later, he finally did. We were so wonderful together, so happy. I was his first serious relationship since high school (we are both in early 30’s) and knew this would be a learning curve for him. I did everything – I cleaned the house, I made dinner, went grocery shopping, and did everything for him I possibly could. When he was fired from his job, I stepped up and financially supported him to the best that I was able. I was so utterly in love with this man that I imagined us marrying one day and having children together. For the first time in my life, I was able to find an equal and someone I could be my whole entire self with. We moved in shortly after the new year and I was beyond happy that things were getting serious (I’d pretty much stayed at his house 6 days out of the week before this so it was not a huge deal that I moved in).
When he got a new job making nearly double what he made before, I was nothing short of supportive and happy for him. He left for training for three weeks and we kept in touch. It was the longest we had been apart since dating and I knew it would be a bit of a trial. During that time, I had the chance to sing the national anthem at a stadium. He drove 14 hours to come and see me perform and returned to training the next day. I knew he loved me before then but that act only proved to me how deeply he cared about me and I allowed myself to fall deeper in love with him. When he returned, however, and started his new job, he began acting like a different person. He began withdrawing from me and I would do everything to understand and have him explain his change. I gave him space, I poured more love into things, and I bought him little gifts and made him his favorite meals. I did everything I thought I should do to help him remember what we had. One evening, I was using the computer and went to check my gmail. It took me a minute to realize it was his and not mine (his automatically opened) and I noticed a message from an adult dating website regarding matches. I’m ashamed to admit that I freaked. I went through all of his emails and then went to Facebook. Again, his was opened, so I snooped. I found nothing and was totally ashamed at myself for being so untrusting. I asked him about the adult site the next day and he said it was from before we ever dated and it was spam. When he looked on his history and saw what I had done, he flipped. He stormed out the house and didn’t return for hours. I was devastated that I had done this and was so utterly ashamed. I’d never ever broached his privacy before and never snooped. I wasn’t that person and was so upset that I had done that.
When he returned, I apologized profusely and after two days, we both agreed to try and move past it. After that, things were rocky but we were doing well. He seemed to make a genuine effort to move past it and I was so happy and thankful for the second chance. Then the bomb dropped. He had always had a best friend, a girl, since high school. She was always in the relationship but I gave him space and trusted him. I always felt there was something there between them but he deduced this to my being jealous and I would just bite my tongue and try to be the better person. I did everything to try and be friends with this girl, even letting her be my hair dresser. He had been invited to go to an amusement park with friends for a weekend and I told her that I was sad he was leaving. She didn’t really say much about it but said that it would only be a few days. I was hurt I hadn’t been invited but sucked it up, given our issue not long ago. Then I found out right before he left that his girl friend was going with him and would be sharing a room with him. I flipped out. The dishonesty and shadiness surrounding the situation was too much. He tried ending it again that day, saying I was too insecure and that he didn’t know if he had the heart to continue the relationship. I went off on him, calling him a coward for not trying and just trying to run away from what we had after a year together. Sure we had hit a rough patch, but it wasn’t the end and we had to be strong to get through it. I was going to be leaving for three weeks to the UK and wanted him to at least give us until after that to decide. I thought the time apart would help.
When he came back from his weekend, he was nothing short of sweet and wonderful. I thought I had gotten through to him and he realized what we had. Up until I left for the UK, he was wonderful. We seemed to be getting stronger and back to what we were. When I left, he kissed me passionately and promised to keep in touch. And we did. We emailed, we skyped, and I thought I would return home and it would be okay. When I did, he said he missed me terribly and loved me. I felt like it was getting better and that the time apart had been good. And then she started to text him again. It used to be off and on, nothing too crazy or demanding, and then it became so much worse and every day at all hours. I knew they hung out when I was in the UK and knew they were best friends so I didn’t question it. But when I returned she made every effort to be in our way. His car was having issues so I drove him to work every morning at 5am and picked him up after my job. Every day he told me he loved me and we were doing so well, minus her continually texting like crazy and demanding to see him on his days off. Then he got his new car this Friday. I was so happy for him and when Sunday came and he had to help his girl friend move, I was supportive. He left at 8am and didn’t return until midnight – a little long, but I let it be. Then Monday came – a day we both had off – and I woke up to him playing games in the front room. I drank my coffee and asked him what he planned for the day. He said he was going to relax and enjoy his day. 20 minutes later, the girl texts him, asking to come hang a curtain rod. He literally abandoned his game, rushed into the shower, and was out the door with cologne on to go and see her. He kissed me and left saying it would be a couple of hours. It was then I just knew it was over. I broke down sobbing and called my mom, asking for advice. It was obvious, given the signs, that she was his priority now and not me. So I packed up my things, taking apart the home I built with him, and sobbing because I’d have to leave our dog (the dog he rescued when we first started dating). I waited until 3pm before I left to go to my mom’s, not having anywhere else to go. I took my cat and as much clothing as I could fit in the car and left.
Hours later I texted him and he said he noticed I was gone but didn’t say anything else. I called him to talk and he confessed he had fallen out of love with me, and had tried to get it back but it wasn’t there. Ever since I made that mistake with the email he said he wasn’t able to move past it and despite everything, didn’t want to. When I asked him about his friend, asking to just be honest with me if there was something there he wouldn’t admit to anything and just said she was his friend and he’d do anything for her. I still have to go and get the rest of my things from the house and I’m still shattered by all of this. Why tell someone you love them every day and give them hope when it isn’t going to work in the long run? How long did he plan to keep up this facade? Why let them buy birth control if you plan on ending it or let them clean and organize your home if you don’t want a home with them any longer? These are the things I am struggling to understand and comprehend. I can’t help but feel used and betrayed. I saw the signs but I kept thinking we’d move past it all given how much hope he kept giving me. In the end, I’m utterly shattered. I know his friend is just playing games with him and that’s what hurts all the more – that he chose her over me. Even his mom and other friends apologized, telling me I was good for him and that we seemed so happy together. I guess that’s the joy of relationships though, right?