I was in a relationship for the better part of 7 months before I ended up having to move over 300 miles away for work. I wasn’t sure about the fate of my relationship with my girlfriend, Kristen, but decided to wait things out and get a feel for the long distance relationship, before making up my mind on whether or not it would work. When I left, Kristen was in her third year of college and couldn’t just pick up and relocate, plus I didn’t think that we were at that stage yet anyway. We knew that it might be rough, but were both optimistic. That optimism quickly faded as I realized just how dependent Kristen had become on me during our time together. She would call me as soon as she woke up, between classes, throughout the evening and then want me to hang on the phone with her until she fell asleep. I guess I hadn’t noticed because we had spent so much time together, and often slept at each others’ places. I had never spent so much time with her on the phone. Still, I tried to keep an open mind about things and attribute her nonstop calling/texting to her needing some time to adjust to me being gone. I figured things would smooth themselves out and she would be busy and happy with school and friends soon. Unfortunately, that never happened. She just wanted more and more of my time, and when I didn’t answer her calls on my cell phone she would call my work line. She got so angry anytime I made plans. Going out with a few friends for a drink meant that I would have to endure a chain of nasty text messages, followed by her calling me over and over again. One time, she got so irate over me attending a friend’s birthday party that she actually had someone (who I later found out was her cousin) leave me messages saying that she had fallen seriously ill and had to be rushed to the hospital. I called back terrified that something awful was happening, only to be greeted by her screaming and crying about me stressing her out and how she had to do desperate things just to get my attention.
I decided that night that the distance was too much and that we weren’t working. I told her the next afternoon over the phone, and then endured a full two days worth of nasty messages, voicemails with her crying, and her threatening to go out and have sex with someone to get back at me for breaking up with her. It got so bad that I didn’t even feel bad for breaking things off anymore. I never wanted to hurt the girl, if anything I really wanted to put in the effort to make it work, but there was no way that I could live day to day having to fight just because she was lonely. She refused to hear me and continued to call and message me, each time getting crazier. It was torture to even have to look at my phone because I knew there was going to be a bunch of stuff from her. I reached my breaking point and asked a friend’s girlfriend to pose as my new girl and ask her to stop trying to contact me. Immature, I know, but I had tried everything I could to break things off nicely. That idea backfired and ended up making things even worse. She actually drove down to where I was and showed up at my place. I wouldn’t let her in because I knew it would mean trouble, so she made the biggest scene you could imagine. Still, I refused to play her game. I am not sure if something finally clicked or if she just gave up, but eventually she did leave. That was a month ago and I am still nervous about walking out of my front door.