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For Better or Worse
You’d think that a man who pursues a woman for 8 years and went through a ton of trouble to propose on the most spectacular way would have stayed committed to those vows. Unfortunately for me, my ex-husband seemed to take the first out he could get. I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t always pleasant to be around, but I don’t think I deserved any of the treatment that I received toward the end of our marriage.
I work in design. It is a stressful position, filled with long hours in the office, working at home and meeting deadlines. My husband and I had been dating for 7 years. He spent the entire year before we were together finishing up med school and building a really close friendship with me. We were friends first, and I loved that about our relationship. He went all out during the holidays of our eighth year together and hired the mall Santa to be a part of his proposal. He acted like he wanted me to take his nephews to see Santa, so we went one afternoon at his suggestion. There was an old guy taking pictures and giving out little gifts. After the boys had taken their picture with Santa, the photographer asked me to take one for fun. He said to open my gift and look surprised. You can imagine my face when I opened the box to a sparkling ring. Then Santa pulled off his beard and it was my boyfriend asking me to marry him!
We were married the following year and things seemed to be going well. One day while at work, I had a bad anxiety attack and ended up in the hospital. I was diagnosed with anxiety and fatigue and told to take some time off work. Things just seemed to get worse from there. I couldn’t get through my day without being on edge or just feeling down. I was diagnosed with severe depression and started taking medication, but the damage had been done. My husband had started taking on extra shifts and claiming that he had to do entire weekends working in the hospital. I knew to expect that sort of thing with him being a doctor, but I was barely seeing my husband and most of the time my calls and texts went unanswered. When he did come home, he was short with me and acted like he just didn’t want to be there, then his phone would ring and one of his friends would ask him to go out to the bar, and he would hop right up like his old self and take off. I reached a point where I just couldn’t take it any more. I knew when his lunchtime was, so I went up to the hospital so we could just sit and talk. I asked the receptionist to page him but she told me that he wasn’t in that day. In fact, there had been quite a few days that he claimed he was working when he wasn’t even on duty.
I confronted him later that night. He lied and denied at first, then finally came out with the fact that he wasn’t satisfied in our marriage and had instead been partying with friends and dating some young nurse on the side. He blamed my issues on the breakdown of the marriage. Yes, my bought of depression and anxiety that lasted a few weeks was the reson behind my husband lying, cheating and leaving me. Thanks, you really stuck those rough times out!
195 Comments to For Better or Worse
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Whatever happened to “…In sickness and in health…”?
In your husband’s defense, mental health issues are the toughest sort to deal with. It is hard to see someone who is perfectly healthy, acting like they are suffering. Being a medical professional myself, I know the mechanisms behind these sorts of issues, so don’t think I am judging. I am merely saying that this is a difficult problem to deal with, and due to the stigma attached to mental illness, a lot of people can’t deal with it. Your husband knows what mental health problems mean for your (collective you, not just personal you) future. You have just gotten married. Now, you have to lose your job because the stress is too much. Future children? Probably not because the stress of raising them will make you go off the rails. Future happiness? Totally tied to what meds you happen to be taking and how they are affecting you on any given day. His independence and autonomy? Gone because he has to keep constant tabs on your well-being to make sure you don’t off yourself. You see where I am going with this?
He has dealt poorly with this lot that you both were dealt. So, get a great lawyer, and take him to the cleaners in the divorce.
Good luck.
Unfortunately, not a lot of people, even doctors, it seems, know how to handle mental disorders when they hit so close to home. It doesn’t give your ex any excuse for the way he acted, though, OP. Like Carrie said, get a good lawyer to negotiate a divorce settlement that works greatly in your favour. Then move on, take as much time to get over the marriage healthily as you need, and when you’re ready, go back out on the scene looking and feeling better than ever.
My dear OP, I seriously believe your “knight in the shining lab-coat” was probably already cheating long before you had your anxiety attack. See, while you were merrily plugging away long hours at *your* work, that gave him plenty of time to do his shenanigans without you being there all the time to begin to suspect anything fishy.
But as soon as you had your fatigue-breakdown, you were suddenly at home all the time and able to see what you didn’t have time to see before. The times he lied about extra shifts were probably days/evenings he had already been seeing Nursey Poo while you were pulling long hours and stressing over deadlines.
Your bout of depression was totally natural in face of your physical and mental exhaustion. I think you could have probably pulled through it fine without meds, had your husband been loving and supportive… but he was not, and your subconscious mind *knew* it.
I also recommend that you get a great divorce attorney. Make it one that specializes in the investigative process and perhaps he/she can find evidence of the cheating and lies going back further than the time of your much-needed rest. Find out absolutely everything you can before coming to the table with a proposed divorce agreement, and then sock it to the bastard!
Damn, twisty, you said everything I was thinking! It sure sounds like the husband had been doing this for quite some time. And it makes me sad to hear that this crap is being blamed on her mental illness. If the guy was a real mensch, he would’ve talked it out and been there for her. What a shame.
After I had a baby, I was a mess. Severe PPD and on top of that I suffer from PTSS as a result of being a part of what they call the “residential school legacy”. It took the life out of me as a partner and a as a new mother, and I really drove my boyfriend into a depression as well. If you’re willing to make it work and so is your husband, you should consider couples councelling..if you haven’t already.
Man, I guess I should not comment on this one. I feel like the OP is leaving a LOT out of the story, and the only reason for that would be so she doesn’t look bad. Anxiety and severe depression don’t just hit you like a ton of bricks, there had to be some aspects of your relationship that were contributing to these factors. I mean by all accounts you should have been living happily ever after, so what gives? I am guessing you stopped giving mouth-hugs once you got married (not uncommmon) , and you relationship deteriorated to the point of you having severe depression and anxiety. You ladies are you own worst enemy….
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I haven’t commented on this story because I wasn’t sure how to respond further than what twisty wrote. Mookie made a good point about something seemed to be left out – although I don’t think it was mouth hugs.
A few weeks of being sick and having your husband, a doctor, up and leave a marriage is a bullshit thing to do. It does seem like there is more to it but without more info, that’s all we have to comment on.
Then coco said something nice and human-like. WTF was that? It’s like a heat wave a January. Took me by surprise and left me bewildered. Sorry for your issues there coco.
Bottom line, op – if what you wrote is the truth to the best of your knowledge and there is no chance of making things better – get out while you can and get yourself better. Your health is the most important thing.
I have to agree with “twisty” and “painted light” !
Having been around the block a few times and having had a few of these jobs, I have a list of certain occupations that are high risk for cheating! For Males: drum roll… Doctors, Police Officers, Firemen, Fitness Trainers, Life Guards, Entertainment/Bar Industry Workers.
A large number of women are highly attracted to these occupations and opportunity breeds cheating. As stated in the story, with Doctors its almost ALWAYS with a nurse !!
For women I have found Nurses, Teachers and Entertainment/Bar Industry workers are high risk, this list seems incomplete so maybe someone can chime in some additional occupations !
I’m feeling very chatty today, so look out!!
Everyone has very good points. Perhaps we are not getting the full story about how batshit crazy the OP was being. I agree with Mook that in most cases, depression and anxiety doesn’t just hit you immediately, but sometimes it can appear that way because many people are skilled at hiding symptoms for a long time before it starts to become visible to other people. It’s only in hindsight that we can see that it wasn’t “just for a couple weeks,” but a culmination of several factors that built up over time. OP, count this as a blessing in disguise, because I can assure you from past experiences that your relationship with this man would have just driven further down into a downward spiral of depression. Trust me, when you learn to have the “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, your life will be awesome.
I will share one of my past relationships as an example as to how toxic non-supportive significant others can be.
I naturally have always been kind of a pussy around people. Certain things, like someone being overly critical, just hurt my feelings very easily and make me cry. I also cry when I am angry. After about 5-10 minutes of tears, I am able to pick myself up and continue on with my day as if nothing happened, and don’t let it ruin the rest of my day. I often feel a lot better afterwards, and don’t let it sink into a shit spiral of depression.
I had the misfortune of dating someone for 3 years that could not handle any sort of negative emotion in another person, to the point that confiding worries about extraneous things (my job was stressful today, my family is being annoying today…etc.) outside our relationship was deemed unacceptable by him. Although I would quickly get over my sadness after a nice cry/vent session, it seems that while I had emotionally moved on, he was stuck dwelling on “my negative behavior.”
In turn, I became a master of hiding just how depressed and anxious the rejection I received from my ex made me. I would go out of my way to hide what actually in hindsight were very serious anxiety attacks by pretending to go to the bathroom, feigning sickness and pretending I had really bad allergies and asthma, acting like I needed to take a shower, or even magically pretending to forget something from my car and going back to look for it.
Small things which I previously couldn’t give two shits about beforehand became a big deal now, because I wasn’t sure how to “act” so he wouldn’t reject me. I started keeping a notebook keeping track of how many times I got upset or said something he thought was negative, so I could try to limit and modify my actions to please him, along with reviewing my actions to make sure I did not go over a certain amount of “negative actions.” This is also the ex who stopped having sex with me about 1.5 years into the relationship, even though I went out of my way to offer it to him. Who the hell turns down free mouth hugs? That was so destructive to my self esteem. I cannot tell you how many sexual instruction books I read and videos I watched to make up for what I thought were my flaws. To this day, I don’t know what happened there, lol.
I would apologize for the most asinine shit. One time, I actually apologized for crying and being upset because he was 2 hours late for a birthday dinner date I had cooked for him. This was followed by a lecture from him about how he wasn’t going to “accept my negative behavior.”
To this day I totally wish I would have said “Are you fucking kidding me? You are 2 hours late for a dinner I spent 3 hours making for your birthday because you lost track of time going geocacheing with some dude you meet 2 weeks ago and you want to talk about how me being disappointed about it is unacceptable along with no apology on your part for being late?…. Fuck you, get out of here and leave me alone so I can enjoy this nice dinner I cooked for myself.”
It would have saved me from wasting another 1.5 years on the asshole, lol. It all worked out well though, my new boyfriend appreciates all the effort I put into polishing my mouth hug skills.
Anyhow the lesson from this story OP, is to get yourself mentally healthy, admit the relationship is toxic for you, regardless of whose “fault” it is, and make a decision whether you can fix it, or get out.
I have dealt with severe anxiety my entire life. I have developed coping skills to where it feels as though it is non-existent any more, but then I jumped back into sales here at work after being out of the game for nearly a decade, and guess what? Much of my anxiety came right back. I worked thru it and hopefully have come out the other side, but I thought for sure I was going to need some xanax again! Anyhow, it is funny that now that I have developed coping skills, some would say that I am detached, or lacking of feeling. For me it is personal and simple, if I can over come my anxiety and develop coping skills, ANYONE can. It wasn’t simple, or easy, but if you want to change, you can. People get so lost in their own head and their own BS that they can’t find there way out of the forest. Life is hard, dig in, get to work, and start going with the flow of life instead of always fighting it. Being normal is so over-rated, but you don’t have to exert your individualism on every aspect of you every day life. Some times it benefits you to simply fit in. This isn’t directed towards any one person, and mostly I am just talking to myself as a reminder. Anxiety and depression CAN be overcome, sometimes you just need to be commited to your own happiness. I know there as some people in this world who are chemically imbalanced and seriously need an SSRI to get thru the day–but man sometimes I wonder what we are doing to our society by pimping prozac with every conflict, or failure in life. Ugh, I am meandering. I apologize, you guys are awesome!
I agree with Twisty. OP, I have a feeling your husband was cheating before your illness and you being home just made it more difficult for him to get away with it. The way I see it is be thankful you did not waste anymore time with him. I know it sucks to have someone who is supposed to love and support you, especially in your time of need just up and leave, but I don’t think that’s the kind of person you would want to be with anyways. Find a real man, one who will honor the “in sickness and in health” part of your vows.
Also, I just had to share that I had a similar situation. After having my baby I was diagnosed with PPD, and then a few months later BPD. It put a huge strain on mine and my ex’s relationship and caused many fights, he eventually left because he said BPD is usually a life long illness with no proper treatment and he could not deal with the stress. Jokes on him though, because several months later I was reevaluated and they found I didn’t have BPD but just an extreme cause of post-partum psychosis, that eventually went away.
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