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Basic Training Faker
So, back last year, I met and began dating this guy. Let’s call him Michael. Michael was everything I had ever wanted in a guy. He was the biggest sweetheart and he had a good job working for his dad. I would go over to his place all the time and we’d go see movies or cook dinner together and to make a long story short, we could do anything together and have fun. Our relationship progressed quickly, and we talked about everything from kids names to the log cabin house we wanted to build one day. Well, near the end of the year, I had been talking to an ex of mine that lived in Virginia (I live in Illinois). This ex had some of my belongings, which I was simply trying to recover. I volunteered all and any conversations I had with the ex with Michael. He said that wasn’t necessary. But lo and behold, he flipped out about it later that same day, after I had gone home. He called me and I told him that it was ridiculous that he was upset about this. But he refused and said he was worried I was going to cheat on him. With a guy that lives 18 hours away. Because that makes sense.
I broke it off with him right then, thinking that would snap him to reality. Well it didn’t. I didn’t talk to him in two weeks. Now, my friend had a dating profile on the same website I had met Michael. She found him on it. Less than two weeks after I had ended with him. Needless to say, I was angry. But I didn’t call him on it. I asked him if we could hang out. He said ok, but it took me weeks to pin him down and getting him to text me was like pulling teeth.
When we were together, he seemed normal, like when we were dating. But then he broke the news to me: he was joining the navy. He said basic training started in three months (from the end of January). Then he said he was to be sent to Japan. I should have known something fishy was going on then. They don’t tell you anything about deployment until after training and it doesn’t happen two weeks after you graduate. He had made a facebook then, and added me. He said he wanted to be able to keep in touch with everyone when he was gone. I saw him two more times before he left. The last time, he told me he loved me many times, and that he’d see me soon. Days later, he was living in Florida with his mom before basic started. Then I found myself blocked on facebook from him and any texts to him were ignored.
Down the road five months: unblocked on facebook, new girlfriend, no navy basic training start date. He moved to Florida to date some girl exactly one week after I saw him last. To make it worse, he told me he was joining the navy as an excuse to leave! He didn’t join.
71 Comments to Basic Training Faker
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I’ve heard of people going great lengths to get away from an ex…but, wow.
Put this on your list of things to learn about dating: breaking up with someone is not an acceptable way to get someone to change their behavior. In fact, calling someone’s latent complaint about you talking to your ex “ridiculous” is a gamechanger. He was happy to get away from a chick who was going to shrug off his emotions that quickly into the game. And you getting pissed when he puts himself back on the market after the breakup? WTF, get a life.
What did you expect, OP? That you were just such a great and awesome girlfriend he’d come back to you begging on his hands and knees? Personally, I think he had a right to be mad about you contacting your ex. What possessions could you have possibly left with this guy that couldn’t be replaced? You broke up with him to snap him out of it, and I’m gonna use your words here…because that makes sense. How about next time you be mature and scream and yell it out with your boyfriend instead of being immature and breaking up with him. To him that meant you were done, he wasn’t aware of the game you were playing. You were in contact with your ex and then you quickly break up with him. Good for him for moving on. You deserved nothing better than what you got.
You both sound extremely immature and ill-prepared to be in a relationship.
Yeah, it was kinda shitty for him to pretend to join the Navy, I’ll give you that… but crap, you were NOT taking the hint that he wasn’t going to play your break-up-to-make-up games.
Let’s hit on what you did wrong here:
1) You placed priority on contacting an ex about *mere material goods* above your relationship with Michael. Unless we are talking about family heirlooms here, it’s not kosher. Sometimes you have to write things off and move the hell on.
2) You minimized Michael’s feelings about this contact with your ex, pooh-poohing his legitimate and honest concerns, again because YOU wanted to recover a few trifles (supposedly).
3) You pulled the typical spoiled princess act by breaking up as a “wake-up call”, instead of addressing his concerns and reassuring him of your devotion. Sorry, hate to tell you, Princess, but a real relationship involves compromise… you don’t get to have it your way all the time. NEVER say you want to break up unless you really 100% MEAN it!
4) It took you “weeks” to pin him down about hanging out again, and getting him to text was like pulling teeth? HELLO??? Didn’t you for one minute take that as a hint that he was done with you? HE TOOK YOU AT YOUR WORD that you wanted to break up and he moved on! Him acting “normal” and saying he loved you was just a way to keep you shut up until he could arrange to move as far away as possible from you, because he was never going to have peace as long as you kept bugging him.
5) And you probably really sucked at giving mouth-hugs.
I at least give OP props for being honest about being in contact with her ex. But yeah, dumb move on breaking up with buddy to send a message.
Break ups are not for make ups later down the road. That is all.
OP obviously didn’t eat her wheaties this morning.
I find it hard to believe you came across his Facebook by accident. I’m sure that even 5 months later, you were still lurking around checking for any sign of him, and then felt the need to creep through his profile to find out all this information.
I am starting to believe the ex’s actions were justified. OP seems just a tad bit stalkerish. Maybe moving to a different state was the only way to get rid of you, OP.
You see this is where your immaturity shows. You post this on here and think we are in the same peer group as you and will buy this kind of drivel. I am guessing you are between 19-24 years old. It shows in the way you communicate, and you try to hide it but your passive-aggressive actions can still be seen. Grow up. Reality isn’t telling a story while “minimizing your own flaws” and “maximizing his” while “justifying your actions” but painting his in a “poor light”. This is what is know as trying to control the narrative. Reality is bigger than you, or your perceptions, it simply IS. By trying to control the narrative, you put yourself in the same catagory as liars. Your story ends up sounding vapid, and it makes you look a little pathetic. Real relationships are based on real feelings and grow from real actions–not playing games to get your way, or manipulating things so you look better.
There, I kept it real for you. I am not sure why, funky Monday mood from the Mookster I guess.
I understand you were forth coming with the conversations you had with your ex, but to break it off with him on the spot because he expressed discomfort in the fact you were talking to him was the only ridiculous part of that exchange. Just because you live 18 some odd hours away doesn’t make the fact he was worried about you cheating on him any less valid. You could have began developing feelings again for this ex. Then you would have had the opportunity to try to have your cake and eat it too. If I were to put myself in his shoes, I would have thought from the moment you broke things off that my assumptions of you canoodling your way back in with the ex would have been confirmed.
As for him, he was just moving on. Like any normal human does. So he was on a dating website, what difference does it make to you? Did you want him to sit around for months on end pondering over his lost relationship? Like I said, he probably thought you were already trying to get back with your ex in the first place. That makes moving on 100 times easier. I don’t like the fact that he used going to boot camp as an excuse to get away from you though. Currently serving in the military, people lying about military service is a big pet-peeve that I take offense to.
Personally, I don’t see a problem with talking to your ex about getting your stuff back (assuming that’s all you were doing). I’m even friends with several of my exs, and it doesn’t mean either of us has any interest in getting back together.
But dismissing your boyfriend’s feelings probably made him feel even worse about it, and then breaking up with him just confirmed his assumptions. Seriously, if you play games to try and manipulate people, you’ll never have a successful relationship. Relationships need communication, honesty, and compromise, from both sides.
Wow he pretended to join the navy to get you to leave him alone… you must have been something really really crazy…err… special! ha! I’ve pretended to be gay once to get away from a very clingy/stalkerish girl because she couldn’t take any hints (I was 18 then). You dumped him and then expect him to coming crawling back to you like some little puppy? really? really? you believed that what you did was ok? You were playing games… you played russian roulette with this relationship, and guess what? The gun went off! You got mad that he moved on and started talking to other girls after you broke up with him? where is the logic in that? How would you feel if your exes got mad at you for talking to and dating someone else? Also how do you know he didn’t actually move to Florida to be with his mom and he met another girl while there? You sound like a nut case, good for him for trying everything he can to avoid you… I know I would, except now that I am a mature, older, wiser, adult and have been around the block a few times… if I ever happen to be in a situation like yours with a woman, I’d tell her she is nuts and to leave me the hell alone!
I’d say you both deserved each other. You played a dumb game with him by dumping him to teach him a lesson, and he didn’t have the balls to just say “I don’t want you anymore.”
Did you notice the OP said the ex was 18 hours away and her now new ex moved to another state to be rid of her? Oh I think the writing is on the wall…. She doesn’t just scare them away, they move quite a few states away to get away from her!
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