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Wedding Planning
I should be planning my dream wedding right now, but because my fiance’s mother is such a psycho b*tch, I’m moving out of our place and sending everyone emails to let them know that the wedding is off. The whole mom thing has been a problem since day one. When we first started dating, it wasn’t too bad because he was still living at home. I swear, she would call him every time we were out to find out what he was doing and what time he was coming home. Even after he told her all of that, she would do things like take a picture of herself in the mirror and send it to my boyfriend with the caption “Miss and love you!” Or she would cook dinner, call to let him know she was cooking, send him a picture of the meal, then call again to see what he thought of the picture. It didn’t bother me too much. It was a little annoying with her constantly calling but whatever.
As our relationship progressed, the crazy started coming out of her. She just did immature little things to try and hurt me or create a divide between us. She would always try to guilt him into canceling plans with me so that they could do something instead. There were several times where she even played really sick and asked him to come home right away because she thought she might have to go to the hospital. Of course she never did, and she was magically better by the time he got home. She even felt well enough to ask him to go out with her to eat and catch a movie. We argued so many times about his mother’s hold over him and how badly it was affecting our relationship. Somehow, we managed to make it through and he proposed last summer. We planned our wedding for June of this year, and his mother did everything she could do to stand in the way since we announced our engagement. The stress of her constant interference and negativity got to the both of us but it really bothered me because my mom left when I was younger, so I always imagined that my mother-in-law to be could help fill that role during the whole wedding planning thing. She instead turned it into my nightmare and I ended up reaching my breaking point. I told her off in the middle of the flower shop. I told her that she better watch her nasty comments or she wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near our wedding. I said that I wasn’t going to tolerate anymore from her. She went back crying and guilt-tripping my fiance. What did he do? Nothing. He yelled and screamed at me about how I wasn’t treating his mom with respect and said that he wasn’t sure we should be getting married. And that was that. We decided to call things off and both move out of the apartment we shared. I’m not sure what will happen, but I love him with all my heart and wanted a future with him.
49 Comments to Wedding Planning
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If I weren’t an only child, I’d say this was my mom you were talking about. Which is why I eloped. Man, besides marrying my husband, eloping was the BEST decision I ever made.
I know you love him, but if he can’t see how much control mommy has over him and how she needs to earn your respect (don’t give me that elders deserve respect just because they’ve been alive longer crap; if someone older than me is a horrible, miserable git towards me and other people, I’m not going to respect them), then it’s for the best. Unfortunately he will probably never find a wife that his mommy approves of and she will drive away all of them in the end. Focus on learning from this experience and find someone who either has a great mom or knows how to stand up to a psycho one.
I agree 100% with my good friend Pixie. And this coming from someone who, if I’d ever had kids, would be now old enough to BE that “miserable git” toward a potential daughter-in-law… not that I would, because my family raised me right. Whatever.
Quite frankly dear OP, this guy simply didn’t love *you* to the level you deserve. If he did, he would have stood up to psycho-mom ~~long~~ before this latest incident. If you want to get all Biblical about it, isn’t there something in there about leaving your family and cleaving unto your spouse? This guy was NEVER going to do that. Mama’s apron strings are made of galvanized steel, and her actions rise to the level of a super-creepy clinginess that borders on incestuous. That he *allows* it to continue is even creepier, as in Oedipus Complex. (If you don’t know what that is, look it up)
Take it from someone who knows… my fiance has an overly-dramatic weepy clingy mom. But HE stands up to her and doesn’t tolerate her crap.He loves her, but he has a low tolerance for her melodramatic bullshit.
You CAN find much better… you WILL find better. And when you do, you will thank your lucky stars that you never married Mr. Spineless.
In other news:
**To all those who expressed deep condolences about the untimely death of our beloved coffee-maker (Mr. Coffee)on Friday, we thank you for your kind and loving words.
I am pleased to announce that Jim and I went out Friday night and adopted a NEW coffee-maker, another Mr. Coffee. We hope that the new Mr. Coffee serves as long and as valiantly as his beloved predecessor did.(The old coffee maker was over 20 years old!! :O )
His “perky” face will be most welcome every morning!
Yay! Congrats on the new coffee maker, twisty!
Thank you, Ms. Pixie!
Meh….
I don’t think I could personally marry someone who had a mother like that. They will make you all kinds of miserable. And then throw a few grand kids in the mix and it’ll really get bad. The less stress the better!
Twisty you should have got a Keurig. Looooooooove it!!!
Tunes, I refuse the Keurig because of the ridiculously overpriced “pods” it takes to feed it.(Besides, the Mr. Coffee cost $30 vs. the Keurig at $80) I’d rather brew 12 cups all in one big brew. Jim fills a giant thermos every morning because the office’s coffee SUX. I then brew a second pot all for me. We buy whole beans and grind them fresh for each pot. To get that much via Keurig coffee pods would break the bank!
OP- you got out while the getting was good. You not only marry a spouse, but their entire family as well. You need to look at the whole family carefully because these are the people you will be sharing the rest of your life with unless you divorce. And if you have kids, you share the rest of your life with this family regardless of whether you divorce or not. This woman sounds like she was going to make your life a special sort of hell. You had a narrow escape. Don’t be too sad about the whole thing. Grieve for your loss and move on. You will likely look back on this with relief at some point in the future. You deserve a MIL who is going to treasure you and welcome you into the family with open arms, not one who feels the need to compete with you for your spouse’s attention.
They are so worth it tho lol
My dear OP, you have made the right decision. A man (and I use that term loosely) who lets his mother control him to that extent will never make a husband.
I have a mother like this. She isn’t clingy like that but she will interject her opinion where it wasn’t warranted at in opportune times and in place of positivity or celebration over something. Being religious, if she doesn’t like your boyfriend she keeps telling you that she’s praying you out of the relationship. As in begging god for him to go away. So my condolences.
What I would do is try to have a civil talk with both of them at the same time, approaching them with apology and humbleness as hard as that may be. Don’t make it seem like u are controlling them, or disrespecting them. Ask both of them what the issues are and after u hear them out, try to see if they will hear u out on yours.
If that can’t be done because both are too selfish and stubborn, then it will be time to accept the hard truth that it is for the best and now you can move on to find a man whose family welcomes you.
Lol whats with the coffee maker?
Lovely Lotus: My old coffee-maker died a sad and tragic death Friday morning, leaving me especially cranky and irritable towards Friday’s OP. (the previous story)… you should go back and read it if you haven’t yet done so. LOL
Should have seen this coming and gotten out a long time ago. If the guy doesn’t respect you enough to stand up to his mom when she treats you like crap, he’s not worth it.
Twisty: glad to hear you have coffee again! I myself am addicted to Starbucks peppermint mochas so no coffee for me in the mornings – I can’t wait until the afternoon when I get mine before school!
Thank you, Original Lotus!
Twisty when my coffee maker doesn’t work or I ran out of store bought grounds I go to Starbucks…,
Uck! Sorry Lotus but Starbucks coffee SUCKS!!! Go ahead and drink a cup of black coffee with no sugar from Starbucks. It’s enough to make you wanna spit it out at the barista. And coffee should be like the women I love. Simple and great without frills and artificial sweetness added.
Haha that’s funny I’m in love with straight black Starbucks coffee any kind any time but I feel that way about all other coffee …. DD, Mikkie d, gas station, folgiers…. Blaaaaaa
I can’t understand why you even agreed to marry him. You marry him, you marry his family. Her craziness was on display from day one.
Furthermore, you could have simply got married one day by a justice of the peace, or go to a small chapel. Keep it simple, quiet, inexpensive and SECRET. Call her up and say. “We are married, deal with it.” She would have gone bonkers over that too, but hey, you knew she was bonkers.
You wanted to have your wedding cake and eat it too.
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