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I Couldn’t Live Without Him
So I know that you all don’t really like the advice stories, but I am struggling with a big decision. My boyfriend and I are both in junior college and set to transfer next fall. My boyfriend and I have been together since our senior year of high school and I couldn’t see my life without him. He has been talking about going to school out of state and I don’t want to lose him (he thinks we should go to separate schools so that we have a chance to get the college experience). I think things would be different if I were to get pregnant. Right now, I’m on the pill but I could stop today if I decided to and he would never really know. I want him to stay here and go to school, and he would definitely do that if a child was involved. You don’t even know how important he is to me, I don’t know if I could make it without him. I’m not being malicious or anything, we’ve always talked about getting married and starting a family one day, and we would just be starting out a little earlier than planned. Right?
77 Comments to I Couldn’t Live Without Him
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No. Not right. What about you? Don’t you want to go to college, too?? Do you really want to ruin three lives?? Yours, because with a baby you won’t attend college. His, because you simply change all his plans for the future and force him to do something he may not feel ready to be doing… And then the baby: with two unhappy parents it will be unloved and not welcome.
Grow up! You are nearly still teenagers. College first, children afterwards.
That you even ask this question proves that you should not be thinking of having a baby. Don’t….just don’t….
I swear to God, this had better be a damn troll… because if this is a serious post, I’m gonna reach straight through this computer and punch you in the vagina about 500 times. Then I’ll take a deep breath and punch your vag some more.
Please do not pass on your congenital idiocy onto another generation.
My fucking coffee maker died this morning, so I am NOT in the mood for this Bullshit!
You’re an idiot op. Don’t try and trap him, youll just push him away faster.
Holy shit, you manipulative bitch. You don’t think you’re being malicious? Are you serious? Oh my god, I gotta sit down!
Please be a troll. No one can be this idiotic… and evil. Yeah, go ahead. Get pregnant. I hope the kid comes out all fucked up and you’ll have to deal with it for the rest of your pathetic life.
Troll, get a life.
OP, if you’re real and not a troll, let me tell you something. Going to different schools is not the end of the world. My boyfriend and I have been dating since I was in grade 11 and him in grade 10 (he’s 4 months younger than I am which puts him over the year line). We have never gone to the same school and our universities are roughly 900 miles apart. Sure we’re still in the same province as one another, but he went to school close to home and I chose a school 18 hours away. Was I upset he chose not to go to school where I am? Yes, but I’m not an immature psycho who thinks ruining his life would be a great idea to keep him close. You have to trust that he’ll stay faithful and you can still Skype him and text him. If I got pregnant to try to keep my boyfriend, I know he would’ve dragged me down to planned parenthood then dumped my ass. Sounds harsh, but I would have deserved it for being psycho. I don’t work that way, though. I wanted to go to school and while some day I want kids, now is not the time. You say you’re not being malicious, but take a step back and take a look at yourself, OP. The very idea of what you propose is malicious, and frankly, if you don’t trust him (which sounds like the real underlying issue even though nothing of the sort is mentioned. I’m a girl I know trust issues are often masked by “I don’t want to lose him so I’m trying to keep him locked up in my closet” at your age/mentality, OP), you shouldn’t be with him. Trust is a huge thing in a relationship. You have to trust he’ll stay faithful to you and visit whenever he has a break, just as he’s trusting you to be mature and respect his wants without being selfish and bringing a child into the equation.
I also believe that this is a troll. If not, then you are crazy right now and you think pregnancy will fix it. It’s not going to fix it and it will make things worse. I don’t know what you can do.
If you are not a troll and you do as you plan he will resent and hate you, and with good reason. If you continue as planned, do NOT tell us about it, as we will rip you a new one.
STOP RIGHT NOW! Do not get pregnant in hopes of keeping a guy. The only thing that comes out of that is single parenthood and resentment. It will not work, never has. Back in the 30s, that’s how you ended up with loveless marriages where the people hate each other, now, you just have welfare and child support payments.
What a brilliant plan!! In no way can I for-see this backfiring on your manipulative ass.I think you should go ahead and get pregnant OP. That way you can be another college dropout and do waitressing for the rest of your life and leave more high paying jobs open for me to interview for. I’m always glad when there is less competition, especially in today’s economical climate. The world needs ditch diggers too!
By college experience he means screwing a lot of girls. He has basically dumped you already. On a happier note, single parenting ain’t that bad.
This is the best idea I have heard in a very long time. Yes, you need to get pregnant right away. Don’t take any chances though, you never know if your boyfriend is shooting blanks or not. Get on Craigslist immediately and post a casual encounter looking for every guy you can find to come and have you with no protection. Say specifically that you will take guys of all ages, race, body types, basically everybody. They just need to make sure that they finish inside you. Make sure you post a picture of yourself naked with your legs spread open. Get this done as quickly as possible so you can get pregnant and get on with your wonderful life.
OP.. It’s been said in the previous posts that this is not a good idea. Having some experience with younger people I can fully understand your point of view and the logic behind it. The concept is flawed. It really will cause more damage than good if you attempt to secure a permanent place in your boyfriends heart by having a child that is not planned by the two of you together. You only have one life. Make that life the best you can. The best circumstances typically has a marriage that is not under duress and a child that is conceived after the nuptials have been finalized. No, I’m not some religious nut but society does have expectations and if you can conform then life will be easier. Have your own college experience and let your boyfriend have his. IF you stay together then it will be even better than you can imagine. Forcing the relationship will result in the opposite of what you really want.
You wanted advise.. you got it. believe the ones that have seen these plans go down in flames.
PINK has a song called TRY. It’s seems to be a motivational song for women that feel they can’t go on if they get burned. Listen to it.. eat some chocolate.. have some Boone’s Farm wine. Then post a follow up message so we know you have come to your senses.
Yours truly,
A silent but occasionally vocal long term follower of HIWD
Stalker
If this is not a troll
Please…PLEASE….get out of the gene pool. We don’t need you reproducing and bringing the collective intelligence of the world down several IQ points.
God I hope this is a troll. If not, you need to remember a few things:
1 – It’s pretty evil to take your bf’s choice away in such major way that will change his entire life. If you really loved him, you would never even consider doing something like that. You don’t know what love is yet, you just don’t want to be alone.
2 – A child is not a game piece. It is a real person with real feelings, and the choices you make will affect who they become as they grow up. Children pick up on how their parents feel about them, even the things unsaid. I guarantee one or both of you will resent this child if you have it before you are ready, and that will result in a kid that hates themselves, hates you, and either acts out or has severe emotional issues.
3 – If your bf meant “the full college experience” in terms of education, that can be done whether you are at the same school or not. So the fact that this is his reason for wanting to go to different schools, means that he is talking about partying and getting with other girls. Clearly, he’s not as into you as you are in him, so no matter what you do there will be no happily ever after with this guy.
People like you are what is wrong with this world. Getting pregnant to keep the guy around is a horrible idea. Consider what you would be putting that child through in the future. What if you guys do not even work out? Then that child is raised in a broken home. There is also the possibility of the guy staying with you for the kid and getting married to you, but also that guy resenting you for cornering him in this situation. Please do us all a favor and do not breed.
Am I the ONLY person that wants to punch this bitch in the vagina?
And no one comforted me over the death of my coffee maker.
Well,seeing that you just gave us a look at your thought process…GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT MAN’S LIFE AND STAY OUT. You seem to be a thoughtless cow who’s main concern is for her feelings and well being,he wants to go out of state and instead of being a good girlfriend and supporting his choice your trying to ruin his life. You both are in junior college,how the hell will you two be able to afford a baby,he’ll have to completely drop school just to support you,cause face it,if your useing a baby as a bargining chip,you won’t go out and get a job to help out. What you should do is go find a cave and stay there until a trained profesional deems you fit to reenter the world. Oh, and Twisty, I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you will find love with a new coffee mate
I love posts that begin with “I know you guys don’t like XYZ, but…” and then proceed to go on and on about XY and Z. As if we would all collectively be like, “Oh, man, your story about XYZ isn’t so bad. What a great idea, I’ve never heard that before. You are a genius!”
I think the most important thing about this post is that a coffeemaker died this morning, leaving its owner angry and sad. I’ll be praying for it and its owner. If I could buy you a cup of coffee, Twisty, I would.
You should never manipulate people that way. It’s a good way to lose friends and people who care very fast. The worst of them all would be using a little human life to manipulate people. He or she is a person with a heart and a brain and feelings and potential to do good in this world and all of that can be nurtured or destroyed depending on your outlook as a mom. If they were born of some selfish motive, that can have a lifelong effect on them as they grow up with disgruntled parents who bicker because “mommy wanted baby but daddy wanted to live a little”
Besides… haven’t you read any of the other stories on this website? There’s dozens upon dozens of girls your age who had a baby and the boyfriend still ran away to go live it up.
Then you are stuck raising the child alone when you could have been going to school and working on your dream career.
The more pressure you put on men, the more they want to run and be free. The more you let them live, the more they will love you for it.
It sounds to me like you’ve grown co-dependent on him. I think you NEED to go out on your own and live your own life and so does he. It doesn’t mean you can’t be together, but if you did take a break for awhile you could benefit. Imagine if you let him make his choice and he chose to go have an experience and all the while you had your own, free to study, explore the world, make friends and do what you wanted without worrying about rushing home to him? It sounds hard, I know,
But he could come back grown and changed for the better and you will be so much happier with who he is. Same for you.
That was the story of me and my last ex. We were codependent, terrified of being alone.
Then we broke up. It hurt, but we had some time to go and be our own people and figure out what we do and dont want and it lead both of us to changing for the better.
Now we are the best of friends and maybe more someday, but it couldn’t have happened the way we were going.
Now let me tell you about his little brother.
While he and I are about 26, his little bro is 22. At 19 he met a girl who was 18 and they partied it up. They had a wild, fun relationship based on good times and thrills. Not the most stable foundation, but they were kids. However, once it had long been determined that they weren’t really compatible or good for eachother, they had gotten too attached and they “ran away” together. It caused my friend’s family alot of heartache. Two years passed and she got more and more attached to him but he eventually started thinking he might want out… and then she did what you are thinking of doing.
Last September she announced she was pregnant. Now, don’t get me wrong, they both want to try being parents.. but they are so young. Neither finished college or got a career. They had to move clear across the country to be with her family for financial reasons, but its still not enough. He can’t find a job over there. She wants to finish classes and money is causing huge fights. My friend’s family is over here crying and sad and stressed about their son’s choices. IT’s caused a rift. This girl might be happy about her daughter coming in June, and he might be a little excited too, but everyone else is full of stress, angst, sadness and more stress. Her family wants their new g-baby all for themselves but his family wants to see her too! He’s always calling them complaining about stuff. his mom is over here crying alot- because he had to move. because it’s too soon. because he’s unhappy. because she wanted better for him…
It’s just one big headache after another. And he can’t just bail and things can’t go back the way they were because now a baby is coming and she needs her daddy and they raised him right to not leave a woman with his child…
So they’re being thrust headlong into adulthood.
Your choices have ripple effects. remember that.
I am a long time reader of posts and comments. I am always amused. Thanks to all of you for the laughs.
Twisty- I feel your pain. There is nothing worse than a broken coffee pot. It happened to me recently. I hope it gets fixed/replaced soon.
Do not ruin your life over a man. I know right now it seems you can not live without him but having a child is no guarantee that he will stay. Some men cant handle the responsibility of having a child after the child is born. Once a child is here there is no going back, children take all your time. If anything it might even ruin your relationship because you wont have time to focus on each other. Men come and go but you will be stuck with that kid.
Twisty, I do mourn your coffemaker. If I weren’t on vaca I would have sent condolences earlier. Beyond that, I have no comments for the Troll. I see a lot of new posters today tho! Some good stuff to come back too, so thanks, all! SM says “box jellyfish”; I have no idea exactly what that means, but somehow it fits here!
Oh for the love of all that is unholy…No coffee!!?? The horror!! I’m on my third cup…urge to kill: fading, fading…
Having a child and building a relationship on a lie? Nope, can’t see anything wrong with that, matter of fact I am sure people do it all the time.
Seriously, do you have to even ask? While you are at it, why not develop a crack addiction?
Honey, not only will you ruin three lives, he is probably backing off going to same schools because he wants to leave you. Don’t think for a second that he will stick around for a baby. while that might work for a year or two, you will all be miserable together and then you will be left as a single mum, or him a single dad, which is really hard work. Don’t do it. It may sound romantic, but it’s not, the reality is not at all.
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