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I will try to make this as short and sweet as possible, but it’s complicated! I will try to be brief.
I was a full-time student, paying my bills with Financial Aid when I met “Mikey” at a bar. We started partying hard every night and moved in together, I stopped attending classes, and I lost my only source of income, the Financial Aid money I paid my rent and bills from after paying for classes. While I was looking (not very hard) for a job, we agreed to switch the lease from my name to his, at least until I got my sh*t straight.
Out of the blue and after a night of heavy drinking, he dumped me. He was going to stay at his friend, “Natty’s” house, and I had three days to get out of MY OWN TRAILER. I yelled at him “You’re making a huge mistake! You will regret this when you’re sober!” as he pulled out of the driveway.
I went to live with my mother for a while, and when the drugs and alcohol was out of my system, I realized I had been really lucky, and he was an abusive, controlling piece of sh*t. I started taking online classes and preparing to pick my life up where I dropped it for Mikey.
A couple of weeks later, I heard from a waitress that he already had a new girlfriend, and I cried for a few days but felt closure was finally in reach.
A couple of months later, his friend Natty’s number popped up on my phone. Confused and worried about Mikey, I answered it, and heard sounds like he had dialed my number by accident from his pocket. After a few seconds of trying to get his attention, I yelled “NATTY, THIS IS YOUR D*CK SPEAKING! STOP BEATING ME EVERY NIGHT!” and heard laughter burst out from somewhere above. When he retrieved his phone from his pocket, we talked for an hour, and later again that night, and every day after that. It turns out, we had a lot in common, but we were hesitant about making it public, for Mikey’s sake.
Mikey started texting me, when he got bored of his new gal. Since the cable and internet bills were still in my name, I guess he thought he could butter me up to keep paying them, but that sh*t was scheduled to be cancelled the first day I moved out. It was sort of amusing at first, but mostly sad, since he had no idea I was hearing about his new relationship from his best friend.
Mikey’s texts got more and more insistent about seeing me, apologizing to me, treating me like I should be treated, etc. He began sending dirty messages and pictures of his tiny, erect d*ck… “SEE WHAT YOU DO TO ME” and all that bullsh*t. It made me uncomfortable, and I told him to leave me alone, he had made his bed, now lie in it!!! One night I was actually cuddled up with Natty when he started sending me drunk texts, and I had it… I called him and loudly admonished him for trying to talk to me when he had a girlfriend. He tried to muffle the phone in his hand, but I could hear his girlfriend asking why a girl had called him, and I was satisfied it was truly over.
A second later, Natty gets a text, which reads, “I’m finally done with that crazy b*tch, she’s gone too far. She’s lucky I don’t hit girls because she’s asking to get her teeth punched in! She’s calling and texting me all the time, she’s a psycho! She’s trying to break up New Girl and me! I wish she’d get over me already!”
… which was funny, considering I had been confiding to Natty about how HE had been constantly harassing ME.
Natty had enough, and called Mikey to let him know he was sitting right next to me and had read all of the unsolicited text messages he was sending me, and that if he ever threatened His Girlfriend again, or harassed me further, Mikey would be the one spitting teeth. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was so happy to hear Natty call me his girlfriend, I yelled “I TOLD YOU YOU’D REGRET IT!” and the next thing I heard, his new girlfriend was knocked up, and beating the crap out of Mikey on the regular.
Still going strong to this day with Natty, almost four years later. Booyah!
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