Last year, in my junior year of high school, I was dating a guy named Phil. He was a nice guy and we had a great time together. We had spent most of the year together and I saw him as “the one.” In the Spring, he started working with this youth group and was paired with another guy from our school and this girl named Leila. Phil and Leila had gone to school together for years, so they were pretty close, Phil’s parents even did stuff with Leila’s parents. They started hanging out more and would always be all over each other’s facebook and instagram. They said that they were best friends but I wasn’t happy.To me, they were just too close and I wanted to be that special girl in his life. They had inside jokes and talked about people I hadn’t even met, it made me feel left out and jealous. I wanted Phil to know how I was feeling, get a taste of his own medicine. There was this guy named Andrew from school who I knew had a crush on me. I started hanging out with him more and making plans like every day with him, taking pics, everything Phil was doing. Andrew stopped by my house one afternoon and we were just hanging out together and watching videos. That night, a friend of mine called me to tell me that Andrew had met up with some of his friends after he left my house and told them that we had hooked up. I was shocked, we may have flirted a little but nothing even close to us hooking up! I called Phil, but my calls kept going to voicemail. Then, Phil started answering and hanging up. I knew then that he had heard. I sent him a text saying that it was a lie and swearing that I would never cheat on him. He responded hours later, saying that he couldn’t trust someone so desperate for attention and that we were over. I was devastated. I felt stupid because it wasn’t what I had intended at all. Instead of him getting a little jealous and showing some passion for me, I ended up getting myself dumped.
LOL! …..and you expected a different outcome?
See what unreasoning jealousy got you? Did you ever think that if Phil wanted to be with Leila, it would have happened **long** before you ever met him? I’ve always had to deal with girlfriends getting jealous of my friendship with their man… even though those guys thought of me as “one of the guys.” And I wasn’t even a glam-queen or anything.
I have known my guy-friends for anywhere between 25-36 years (I’m 46). I tell the jealous women “If he and I had ever gotten together, he would have never even met you, because he would have been forever in love and unable to WANT another. So, no… you have nothing to worry about.” LOL (So yeah, I’m a little bitchy and sarcastic to the accusers. So what?)
Look, OP.. I know you are very young, but being jealous-girlfriend is not going to serve you well in the dating world. Guys DO have friendships with the opposite sex…sometimes very deep and lasting friendships. With Phil and Leila, they’ve known each other almost their entire lives and their parents are close. To me, this says they are likely more bro/sis-type friends than anything else.
It would have been different if it had just been some random chick… But never expect someone to dump a life-long friend to “choose” you, or you will be alone for a long time.
You got yourself dumped by someone who was in a relationship with someone else. Is there a downside to that? Not really.
Finding ‘the one’ in high school is rarely going to happen, stop dreaming. You wasted most of a year on Phil. Let’s call him Charles, you Diana, and Leila can be Camilla.
I completely agree with twisty. But I do have one question. Did you even TRY to become friends with Leila? Maybe if you’d tried to build a friendship with her instead of automatically being so jealous, you would’ve not only strengthened your relationship but gained a friend as well.
I have no nuggets of wisdom and compassion today. All I have is that’s what you get!
And this, children, is why mature people TALK to each other instead of playing silly passive-aggressive manipulative games!
Too much going on this morning to care about this nonsense. Ok… here’s some wisdom… “dont do that next time.” There we go.
Anyway, old friend of the wife and I, at the age of 35 no less, has been spiralling towards OP-like-status for about 2 years now. Guy has nothing going for him, has a ton of problems, has kids he never sees… name just about anything other than confirmed physical abuse.
Wife saw her last night for the first time in months and guess what? She’s pregnant. Shocker. I’m seperating myself from the stench of stupid and my wife “can’t believe I would leave a friendship for something that doesnt directly affect me.”
I’ve been around long enough to know this is going to be years and years of retarded drama that I just have no patience for. Now I am in an argument with my wife because of this fucking idiot.
Ok rant over, I’m just getting myself more pissed off.
OP, quit being jealous, dont play games, and live your life with as little invited drama as possible.
James, it sounds like your wife’s friend might be an “ASK-HOLE”
**Askhole(n.) : A person who constantly asks for your advice, but never follows it.**
I don’t blame you for withdrawing yourself from her drama.
This is how you handle the s/o’s friends who happen to be girls but are not their girlfriends, you befriend them! That way you are always included in on the fun. In this day and age you will find that many guys have close women friends.
I agree with the boyfriend here, but, I think you learned the lesson.
I’ve been close friends with a couple of guys for over 10 years and I haven’t met a moron who was jealous of me – or admitted it to their boyfriend!
One girl was close to being jealous, then she realized that my friend and I were like brother and sister. She invited me to their wedding. She’s one of my favorite people, too.
Some of my best female friends are one who, at one point or another, either dated one of my guy-friends or was friends with a guy I was dating.
Correction : “are ones who…
Twisty, exactly. It’s because when the guy has a friend with certain appealing attributes, they will find that in women they date. Hence, many of those women share many things in common.
Except for this case. OP was a clingy girlfriend, and boyfriend likes laid back chicks.
Also, dating for the talk on the town is not a good marker in people. OP wanted the talk, she just didn’t want it to go that far. What a moron, you can’t open Pandora’s Box and not get a look at all of the contents.
OP, don’t get me wrong… I went through a relationship in which I was a very jealous little wench. It was all very dramatic, on again/off again. That boyfriend was a little hotty though, and other girls wanted him for sure. HE gave me no reason to be jealous, but I was.
He dumped me, but we remained friends. Lost contact after college was done (no cell phones, internet in its infancy)…
Twenty-three LONG years later, back in contact, fell in love again but much more maturely, now we are engaged.
What makes us work this time? NO jealousy!
That blew up in your face.
You’re an idiot.
You wanted to punish him for something that he didn’t do wrong and you expected things would turn out fine? Pfffffffft. Like Solve Media says, your demise was fair and square.
You played with fire and you got burned… that said being a older dude with lots of life experience, women and men CANNOT be close friends. One or the other, or both wants something more… if your boyfriend was not engaging in something, it was only a matter of time. Move on, you are still young ;o)
I really don’t feel bad for you at all.
You wanted attention, you got the attention and then some.
You made a stupid mistake out of jealousy and look where it got you.
I stopped reading after this ” I wanted Phil to know how I was feeling, get a taste of his own medicine.”
Christ. High school drama. If you were an adult, (hopefully) the sentance would read more like ” I wanted Phil to know how I was feeling, so I sat with him and talked to him.”
But since as soon as that biggie made it in, I had to stop because I knew I was gonna get pissed. Way to get revenge on someone who hasn’t done you any wrong, except for being good friends. Im really close to my best friend’s husband…good thing she’s not in high school…
@Just Me – I totally disagree with you. I’m married and most of my maile friends are married, and yes, I do hang out, go to lunch or a bar for drinks with them, sometimes without their significant others…because we are all secure adults.
Ugh *male friends. It’s too early.
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