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So about two years ago I submitted the story “Everybody loves a Mix Tape” about my being dumped for another woman while my “beloved” was deployed overseas. Many of you chastised me, reminding me it wasn’t an actual relationship, etc. I, in turn, nursed my wounded heart and pride, moved away to finish my degree and tried to move on.
Now four months in to my transition I get an email out of nowhere from James. I had pretty much moved on and was doing well. In his email he confessed he had made a terrible mistake and that he realized I was the one all along. He said some sob story about how she was actually married and played him in turn. At first I was in shock to hear from him, then angry he had come back into my life. Despite my best intentions, all of my emotions just came right back and I was once again the walking wounded. I was terribly conflicted about giving this man another chance. But, as many of you pointed out, we were never actually” together.” So I sucked up my feelings and gave us another shot.
Now before you call me an idiot, I had major reservations and trust issues with it. I made him show me first he was serious before I committed. Finally, after two months, I did. James would call me every day and tell me howmuch he missed me and cared for me, etc. Then as time passed, I began to see holes in our relationship. I could never reach him on weekends and he was always too busy to come see me (he moved to a city two hours from mine). I felt something was up.
When I finally went to see him at his home, he was incredibly uncomfortable. He had a Scentsy warmer in his front room that I thought was very odd for a bachelor, in addition to a pink coffee maker. When I asked about this he said it was from old girlfriends and the warmer was something he purchased from a friend to support her. I wasn’t allowed to check out certain rooms in the house and on his side table there was a woman’s hair tie. When confronted about this, he said he had let some friends use his home not long before and that, as for the rooms, they were off limits because of his job (he was military intelligence). I had reservations but trusted him.
The next morning he saw me off as quickly as possible, asking me to make sure I took the time to gather all of my things. Again, my instincts flared up and I secretly hid a pink Victoria’s Secret bag in his front room out of one’s normal line of sight. I drove back home and never heard from him. I assumed whoever he was dating saw the bag and things went down.
Months later he would come back into my life, trying to pick up the pieces. I still had major trust issues with him and would demand more access into his private life. He would refuse, stating it was tied up with his professional work. I was never allowed to meet his friends or be on his Facebook, and yet here he was talking about our future and marriage.
This carried on for over a year on and off until I finally had enough. He was going to be deployed again and I wanted something concrete between us. I wanted him to fully commit to me, using a label and everything, andbe listed as his gf on Facebook. He refused, saying I was being too pushy and needy. This is the same man that talked about marrying me in Vegas in one text and denying me as his girlfriend the next. When I reminded him of that, he exploded, telling me he never wanted children (something I wanted in the future) and that he never got over Amy, the girl he cheated on me with all that time ago.
I was floored and abruptly ended things for good. I changed my number and moved on, dating other people after I gave myself time to heal. He eventually came back in town, begging me for another chance, adding me to his Facebook and offering for us to meet his friends. I never accepted his Facebook nor plan to.
James continues to try for reconciliation but I’ve since blocked his number. I’ve been dating someone else for a while now and did try being friends with James despite our history. He is a great guy despite his faults but it’s obvious that we aren’t meant to be. I met his friends and tried to remain just that but he couldn’t let it be and pushed for more. Funny how things reverse.
In turn, I was “dumped” by this man repeatedly until I wised up and moved on. His behavior left me with severe trust issues, something that took a long time to overcome with my current beau (the man is a saint, I swear!). That said, I just always caution people to follow their guts. James was a master manipulator and I was just strung along by all his promises and sweet endearments. Hopefully,others will read this and take my story as a warning: if they won’t commit then run, don’t walk, away from them.l
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