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3 years ago, I met this guy online and we started dating pretty fast. His name was Ryan and he was like a dream. He was handsome, smart, and really sweet, and we both seemed to want the same things out of life. Things moved quickly, but it just felt right. He had a place that he had just moved into, so he wasn’t able to get out of his lease. He offered to let me move in so long as I could cover my portion of the rent, no problem!
I moved in about 2 months into the relationship and we took things from there. We went about our daily routines and talked about our future together. Ryan was a doctor who had been born and raised in the Philippines. He said that he had not been back in a few years, but that he was planning on taking a trip with a few other doctors soon to provide free care to impoverished kids. The trip came around and he left for 3 weeks. We talked here and there, but he was so busy with traveling, seeing patients, and the other work he was doing there that we weren’t able to stay on the phone for very long. I was so proud of him and what he was doing, and the time just flew by.
He came back home and had plenty to share, he even had pictures of these 3 kids that he had developed a little bond with. He told me all about how he had taken them shopping and how appreciative their families were. I just knew at that point that he was the one for me.
A few months down the road, he got a package in the mail. It contained a few letters and pictures. He went through the stuff then showed me a few of the pictures. Ryan left for work about an hour later. I went to the living room later and found a note folded on the floor. It looked like it had fallen out of the package Ryan had opened earlier. I unfolded it and read the first line, “Hi, daddy! I miss you!” Daddy? Umm, Ryan never said that he had children. In fact, he said that he had never been married and did not have kids. I started getting this uneasy feeling, so I decided to do a little investigating. I went through Ryan’s stuff but could not find anything. When I was in the front closet, I just so happened to notice a large envelope at the bottom of a box. I opened it and there were tons of letters and pictures. I start reading them and they are from the same kids he said he had met on his last trip. Then, I found letters from a woman named Jillian. By the time I had thoroughly read through the contents of the envelope, it was clear to me that Ryan was not who he said he was. Yes, he was a doctor, but he had just come to the U.S. within the past 2 years, and he was married with a family in the Philippines! Everything about our relationship was a lie.
I confronted him about it when he got home and of course he denied it, saying that he was really divorced but had been afraid to tell me. Things just got worse from there, and the truth hurt. His condo had been paid for in full by the exchange program he was working with, and the money that I was kicking in every month was going to his real family. I felt used. I had loved him for nearly a year, and had believed that we had a happy future ahead of us.
He asks me if I can forgive him (basically just accept that he has a wife and kids) and move on. When I refused, he said that he couldn’t be with a woman who was a snoop and asked me to leave. I had no problem with that, as I had intended on leaving anyway. I’m glad I found out before things went too far or I ended up pregnant by the creep.
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