My boyfriend was never romantic. It was like he hated anything that had to do with romance, and every time I would say something to him about it, he would just say “that’s just not who I am.†There were other things about him that were great, and he could be sweet when he tried, he just refused to be romantic. So, I couldn’t help but be a little jealous when my friend started telling me about this secret admirer of hers. I didn’t even think that people still did the whole secret admirer thing, but thought it was so sweet that someone would actually do it. She was getting emails with sweet love letters and e-cards, and she even got a dozen roses sent to her house one day. She was sure that it was someone we went to school with, because in the letters they talked about seeing her in the halls and liking her since sophomore year, so we started to go through the yearbooks trying to figure out who it could be, but we couldn’t find anyone. The next week, I was hanging out at my boyfriend’s house. I was using his computer to check my email, when I realized that he had left his email account open. I couldn’t help but be curious, so I started going through his inbox. I saw a reply email from my friend that read “who is this?†All I could think was ‘no way…’ I went to his sent mail, and sure enough there were multiple emails sent to my friend. In all of them, he was saying how beautiful she was and how it drove him crazy to have to admire her from far away. I forwarded all of the emails to my address, then slammed his laptop down. I asked him what the hell all of the letters and cards were about, and why he was acting like some psycho stalker perv with my friend. He got really defensive; first getting mad that I had gone through his emails, then claiming that the messages were for a friend of his who liked her. He refused to name who this ‘friend’ of his was. When I threatened to forward the messages to everyone we knew, he finally admitted that he had a crush on my friend, but swears that he never wanted to take it any further than that. Then he told me that since I wouldn’t believe him and that he couldn’t trust me to not snoop through his private messages, he was dumping me.
This type of situation is very difficult for everyone, and don’t feel alone, because it’s happened many times before. Your ex was wrong to stalk your friend. You were wrong to go through his email. Neither of you behaved in a trustworthy manner. He was correct to break up with you because he couldn’t trust you; you would have been equally correct to break up with him because you can’t trust him.
You both behaved badly. Forgive yourself, forgive him, and learn from this experience.
You should have dumped him, door mat.
You shouldn’t have looked through his things, electronic or otherwise, period. It’s not cool. It’s not acceptable. He was right to dump you.
On another note, if he liked your friend so much, he should have been honest with you and told you about it and broken things off amiably. Him not being honest would be enough reason to break things off with him.
In conclusion, you both need to grow up. A lot.
She probably only looked through his email because she thought he was shady. Honestly I don’t think its really a problem. So you think she should have just stayed in the dark, or found out the truth and gotten out of the relationship? It could have gone on forever if she had not found out sooner than later?
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